#also an angry call out video where he details the people on his shit list

[robinsegghead]

Danny's Daycare Part 14

[Master List]

TW for implied/referenced sexual assault of a minor!!! as well as descriptions of a panic attack

So, maybe he’d been wrong- it wasn’t an impossibility! Duke had really thought Danny seemed like a nice, normal, completely not crazy guy who just wanted to do a good thing for people in need and- okay that last part still seemed true- but there was no way Danny didn’t have some screws loose. Duke had noticed the moment he met the guy that he was brighter than most people. Hell, Danny was brighter than most metas Duke had met, but he’d pushed that fact aside (with a few excedrin to help) and focused on his job.

The job part of his job, not the spying part Tim had assigned him. Duke really enjoyed helping out with the kids and spending more time with Mia and getting to know Danny was a plus. He was a really cool guy and knew a lot about space, science, and strangely enough- the politics behind a monarchy… Duke still couldn’t figure that one out really.

But all-in-all, Daniel Nightingale was a nice guy, an even nicer boss, and was just doing his best to use his astounding wealth in a way that benefitted everybody except himself. Seriously, Duke had seen the pictures Tim had taken of the guy's apartment when he broke-in he could stand to upgrade his stuff a bit. 

Apparently this was one of those (very rare) times Duke was wrong. Because who in their RIGHT MIND catapults themselves onto a Gotham rogue (any rogue really, but Scarecrow was one of the worse to do this to) and starts beating the shit out of them? Not only that, but he’d spoken nonchalantly to the villain and hadn’t appeared even a bit concerned.

If all of that hadn’t convinced Duke that Danny was off his fucking rocker, the fact that a flying vigilante who glowed EXACTLY the same as Danny appeared out of no where, catching the fear toxin, and taking over on the Scarecrow beatdown would have. Duke had yet to mention to anyone that the vigilante and Danny glowed the same because what the actual hell could that mean? Maybe, if Duke had seen them separately, he might have thought they were the same person, but they were in the same room! At the same time! Everyone saw them simultaneously! 

Except apparently they hadn’t caught it on camera because Duke’s video feed had been conveniently cut off the moment the vigilante- who called himself Phantom- appeared.

Oh yeah- how could Duke forget that the vigilante had also admitted to being the Ghost King which (after sending an inquiry to John Constantine) had been confirmed. And Constantine had been pissed. Duke didn’t spend a lot of time around the JL let alone the JLD but even he knew Constantine being angry and frantic and worried all at once was a terrible sign. The (usually unreachable) man had demanded a meeting as soon as possible to go over their interaction with the ghost king and plan out next steps.

B didn’t take that too well.

After all of the kids had been sent home with their parents (who were notified that the daycare would be closed the next day), Danny had told Duke to take the following week off and not argue about it. Duke took his bike back to the manor and waited for the others to get back so they could debrief. 

Now Duke, Duke was known as the ‘easy’ kid. The kid that followed Bruce’s rules, in and out of costume, reported all injuries, gave detailed reports of every altercation, all around, a rule follower. This was not true. Sure, Duke reported his injuries- the small ones- and gave detailed reports- on things that didn’t matter- but Duke, like any other bird or bat, wasn’t a big fan of some of B’s rules. And something in him was telling him not to mention Danny and Phantom’s matching aura’s.

So he didn’t. He reported everything else, Tim grilled him about Phantom and Danny and their relation to each other which Duke insisted was non-existent, and eventually, they let him go to bed. But one of them wasn’t so easily convinced and it was the one who’d disappeared without a word after the altercation at the daycare and returned covered in blood.

Well- covered might have been a bit of an exaggeration, but Hood definitely had more blood on him than he’d had on him at the daycare. B had questioned him about that too, but Jason just mumbled something about a couple of muggers in his territory and refused to mention it further. Now, changed out of his bloody suit, Jason was leaning in Duke’s doorway with a question on his face.

“What is it?” Duke sighed, crawling under his covers and collapsing back into the bed. He’d been up early to do a quick patrol before work and was now regretting that decision.

Instead of responding, Duke heard the click and lock of the door and looked up to see what was happening. He and Jason were cool, Jason was a cool guy and Duke really looked up to him, but they didn’t hang out that much. They were on completely different schedules, with entirely opposite interests, and very little time. So Jason coming to see him was strange in his books.

Jason was standing in front of the now locked door and running a hand through his hair. “I need you to be one-hundred percent honest with me, Duke.” His voice was serious in a way that Duke hadn’t heard often, especially not directed at him.

“Okay..?” He straightened up, hoping Jason took that as him giving his full attention. “What’s up?”

“Did you… notice anything… about- about Phantom?” He asked nervously.

And damn wasn’t that a wild thought. He didn’t remember seeing Jason nervous before. “Notice anything like what?” Duke asked carefully. He still wasn’t sure he should admit to anyone that he thought Danny and Phantom were related somehow.

“You see like… auras or whatever, yeah?” Shit. Duke nodded. “You said before that mine reminds you of the pits. Neon green and kinda toxic, right?” He nodded again, slower this time. “What did you notice about Danny and Phantom?”

Duke opened his mouth to argue that their auras were nothing alike, but that wasn’t true now that he thought about it. Danny’s aura was bright like, brighter than looking into the sun, he was pretty sure his boss had noticed how often Duke avoided looking directly at him. But underneath how bright it was, there was a distinct green color and the feeling of electricity- which was different to Jason whose aura felt like heat and poison. 

“Duke?” Jason raised an eyebrow.

Shrugging, Duke went for a half truth. “They were both kinda green like yours if that’s what you mean.”

Jason pursed his lips in a way that told Duke he had expected that answer but didn’t like it. He sighed loudly, placing his hands on his hips. “Okay. Thanks.” He turned to leave, unlocking and opening the door.

“Why?” Duke questioned back.

His brother paused, halfway out of the room. “Just a hunch. Thanks again, kid, I’m glad you’re okay.”

Only after Jason left did Duke really question what all of that was about. What kind of hunch could Jason have had about Danny and Phantom’s auras? Was he using his own as an example or a comparison? Because, yeah, now that he thought about it, they were similar to Jason’s in color, and he hadn’t seen many people with that exact shade of green in their aura before, but it could have just been a coincidence, right?

Except, in what world would Jason come to Duke to inquire about something that specific and just happen to bump into a crazy coincidence like that? And thinking back on it, hadn’t Hood been trying to get the chance to speak to Danny for a bit after the attack? Duke didn’t count himself as one of the best detectives in the family, there were many people he thought were better than him by a long shot, but everything about this smelled fishy.

What could Jason possibly want with Danny and/or Phantom? Hadn’t B demanded that Jason hand over some card Phantom had given him only for Jason to refuse point blank? Damn, maybe if he wasn’t so tired he’d be able to think better. He’d read the reports tomorrow, now he just wanted to sleep.

~~~

Danny woke up to a weight on him. Actually, he woke up to three weights on him. One was pressed between him and the couch, partially draped over his chest and crushing his arm- it was completely numb at this point. The second was fully on his chest, splayed out across his body and jabbing a sharp elbow into his neck. The last weight was much lighter and almost comfortable, keeping his feet warm.

Opening his eyes, Danny found Miguel, Santi, and Curiosity all sleeping on him. Frowning, he tried to remember how they’d ended up curled up on- he looked around- Miguel and Santi’s couch. Miguel had made it pretty clear early on that he didn’t like much physical contact and even though Santi wasn’t as uncomfortable with it, Danny had mostly avoided it unless they initiated it.

Everything came back to him as he finally registered the crusty feeling in the corners of his eyes and remembered quietly crying while holding the boys and assuring them that they were safe in his arms. He’d expected them to eventually pull away, demand to know what he’d done to their dad, maybe get upset with him now that the threat had passed, something. 

He hadn’t expected them to curl up in his arms, cry their hearts out, and all fall asleep together. He was pretty sure they’d slept through the night which, for him, was a feat in and of itself, but to do so with two other people and a cat all crowded onto one small couch was impressive. (He was still most impressed by sleeping through the night, he felt more refreshed than he’d felt in a long time- since the night the boys had first moved in.)

Miguel stirred, rubbing the heel of his hand across his eyes to deal with the crustiness. His movement jostled Santi who groaned quietly and shifted to get away only to find the was no room to adjust, only open air. The younger boy would have fallen off the couch and landed on the floor if not for Danny’s strong arm wrapped around him which pulled him closer.

“Whu- ‘m awake.” Santi mumbled, burrowing his face into Danny’s chest in an attempt to change that fact.

“Move dumbass,” Miguel hissed. “Gotta pee.” He explained, pulling out of Danny’s arms and forcing his way past the two bodies that held him down. 

Santi didn’t move again, continuing to press his face into Danny to block out the light shining through the window. Danny gently rubbed his hand up and down the boys back in an attempt to stir him awake. The boy grumbled.

Chuckling, Danny shifted his own body. “C’mon kiddo, let me get up so I can make you guys breakfast.” Santi huffed, ignoring Danny’s pleas. “If you don’t get up I’ll halfta pick you up and take you with me.”

The boy ignored him, or maybe didn’t believe him, and Danny adjusted his body to scoop the boy into his arms and hoist him upwards. “Fine, here we go!” He laughed, feeling the boy jolt and wrap his arms around Danny’s neck tightly.

“What the fuck, Danny!” Santi shouted.

Danny kept laughing, carrying the boy to the kitchen. Depositing Santi on his usual kitchen stool, Danny opened the fridge in search of eggs. His eyes landed on an egg casserole with a note and felt himself grinning before he realized it.

Take care of yourself. -RH

Whether the ‘take care of yourself’ was aimed at him or the boys (probably the boys- and wasn’t that a sweet thought?), Danny didn’t care, Red Hood had brought them food after the horrible night they’d had and left a note of care. 

Someone cleared their throat and Danny pulled the casserole out of the fridge, placing the note on the counter where the boys could see it, and popping it into the oven. Miguel stood next to where Santi sat, eyeing the note and Danny.

“You’re in a good mood.” Miguel commented, taking the stool beside his brother and adding the sticky note to what seemed to be a small pile of other sticky notes.

Danny shrugged, pulling out a few plates and cups. “I slept well and don’t have to cook, what’s not to be in a good mood about?”

There was a long pause that Danny only realized was an awkward one when Santi spoke.

“What happened?”

And- okay, that was not how Danny thought they’d bring up what happened the night before. He honestly wasn’t sure how he thought they’d bring it up, but maybe after breakfast? Maybe when they left the apartment and noticed the blood staining the hallway carpets (he’d have to have that cleaned. He was lucky the neighbors had been out of town for the past week.). Not first thing in the morning!

Leaning against the counter opposite them, he exhaled. “How about you boys tell me what happened… and then I’ll tell you what happened when I got here? Is that okay?”

The boys shared looks before hesitantly nodding. Miguel spoke first. 

“A few days ago some… friendsa mine told me our… dad’d been released from jail and- and he’d come askin’ bout me an’ Santi. They didn’ tell ‘im nothin’ but he musta seen me somewhere an’ followed me home. That’s… tha’s why I been so…” He struggled with his words so Danny just nodded understandingly. It could be difficult to admit that you’d been angry or moody- he knew. “Yesterday I went ta get me and Santi some snacks from the convenience store down the street.”

He knew that the boys left the apartment when he was gone, it’d be cruel to tell them they couldn’t, but he was still slightly surprised to realize Miguel had gone out for something as simple as snacks and had been followed home by- by him.

“I got home an’ locked the door an’ gave Santi his snacks but… someone started bangin’ on the door. When I heard who it was I-” he looked at his hands in shame. “I pushed Santi in a closet and barricaded the door.”

Santi wrapped his arms around himself. “I didn’t like that.” He muttered. “He… he used ta do that a lot back… back home.”

Danny had to remind himself not to go all feral monster and hunt their so-called father down to rip his dick off and shove it down his throat. He should have done that last night but Hood had pulled him off.

(Hood had stopped him from murdering someone again- something he knew had bothered Danny more than he was willing to admit- and held him back until he’d come back to his senses. He wants to imagine he’d have stopped himself before it went to far but… let’s be honest, the man was going to be hospitalized for a long time. It should never have gotten that far. Even if he still wished he’d killed the monster.)

“If he-” Miguel shuddered. “If he got in I wasn’t gonna let ‘im get ta ya.” His voice was firm and reminded Danny that Miguel had been doing that for a long time. How long he wasn’t sure, but too long. “He started bangin’ on tha door, shoutin’ and trynna get in. I sat in fronta the door an’ made sure he couldn’t.”

Taking a deep breath again because Danny really wasn’t all that good at containing his rage, Danny offered Miguel a reassuring smile. “You did the best you could to protect your brother, Miguel, I’m proud of you. And you asked me for help, Santi, I’m proud of you.” Both boys looked at each other before looking away, eyes clearly confused and misty. 

“I was on my way home from work when I got Santi’s texts. I got upstairs as fast as I could and tried to get him to leave.” Danny started, recounting exactly what had happened as best he could. He’d been seeing a lot of red. “I threatened to call the cops but he… Well, he said some things that were unacceptable and I got angry. I… attacked him. Hood had to pull me off of him.”

Miguel’s eyes were wide. “I thought…” His voice was low, hesitant, scared. “I thought ‘e was hurtin’ you.”

Oh.

Oh.

Stepping forward, immediately regretting not clearing up any misunderstandings the night before, Danny looked both boys in the eyes to see fear. Not OF him, but FOR him. Fear that he’d been hurt by the man who’d hurt them.

“He didn’t touch me.” Danny breathed. “Didn’t get a single punch in. I thought… I- I was worried you’d be mad.” He admitted. “I-” He sucked in a breath. “I made a lot of excuses for my parents.” Avoiding their eyes, Danny pushed on. “For years, I told people things were fine at home, that my parents would…. That they’d never hurt me if they knew it was me they were hurting.

“But they did. And… and even after they’d hurt me beyond repair- almost killed me,” His eyes blurred and he blinked back the emotions. This wasn’t about him, he was just trying to show the boys he understood. “After everything they did, I made excuses. It took a long time to give up on them. So I was worried you’d be mad at me for hurting him. And I wouldn’t hold it against you if you were, I know what it’s like to have confusing feelings about your parents.” He finished, meeting their eyes.

Santi was the first to react, reaching his hand out and placing it on top of Danny’s. “I… I don’t know how I feel. But I know I’m glad you weren’t hurt.”

Following suit, Miguel hesitantly placed a hand on Danny’s and Santi’s. “I know how I feel.” His eyes were filled with anger and sadness and they perfectly mirrored Danny’s when he was seventeen. “‘M glad you were there. I- I don’t know what woulda happened if you’d been too late.”

“Well,” Danny let out a sigh of relief. “Luckily, we don’t have to think about that. I wasn’t too late,” (Yes you were.) “and Hood took care of it. Now we have to focus on moving forward and taking care of each other.”

~~~

“You don’t have to do that, Miguel.” Miguel heard Danny say from across the kitchen. Miguel shrugged, continuing to wash the breakfast dishes and lay them out to dry. “Aren’t boys your age supposed to avoid chores like the plague?” Danny muttered under his breath.

Snorting, Miguel dried his hands and faced him. Santi had been convinced to go take a nap shortly after finishing his food but even though Danny attempted to convince him to do the same, he refused. He was too jittery to even consider lying still and he saw things he didn’t want to every time he closed his eyes. So he’d stayed.

Being alone with Danny had stopped being scary a while back, after the first time he had been in a closed room alone with the man and he hadn’t attempted anything. But sometimes he still grew nervous. Not nervous because he was worried Danny would do something bad to him, but nervous because… it had been so long since he’d been around someone he… he genuinely admired. Someone he wanted to impress.

“What do you mean?” He asked, twisting the towel in his damp hands. Danny looked up inquisitively so Miguel clarified. “Whatdya mean ‘Hood took care of it’?” He knew his voice betrayed some of his feelings, but he hoped Danny wasn’t worrying that Miguel was mad about how things had turned out again.

Swallowing, Danny cleared his throat. “I uh… I don’t know.” Miguel tilted his head and furrowed his brow in question. “That’s just what he said. He…” The man let out a shuddery breath. “He pulled me off- off of your… dad, and when I finally calmed down he was… in bad shape. He told me not to come into the apartment until I’d… uh- until I’d cleaned up-”

Miguel had been around fights long enough to know Danny was trying not to mention he’d been covered in blood. His dad’s blood.

“When I came back his body was gone and Hood said he’d taken care of things. He wasn’t- I don’t think I-” Danny pursed his lips and stopped talking.

Miguel had had a long time to think about his dad- three years to be exact, and he’d come to a conclusion a long time ago. He came to it after the first time he’d mugged someone for a few bucks in their wallet. He came to it again when he’d gone hungry for the third day in a row so Santi wouldn’t have to. The conclusion had been tattooed across his brain after his first John had left him unconscious and bleeding in an alley after going too far.

It was a conclusion he hadn’t told Santi he’d come to- his baby brother hadn’t experienced things like he had, he couldn’t be sure they would agree but- “Good riddance.” Miguel choked out.

Whipping his head up, Danny met his eyes, like he couldn’t believe what Miguel had said. So he said it again. If not to convince Danny he’d said it then to convince himself. “Good riddance. Dead or a hospitalized vegetable; good fucking riddance.”

“Miguel-”

“I didn’t understand why he let you call ‘im that.” Miguel continued, needing to get everything out in the open. Unable to stop speaking now that he’d started. “Santi. That’s what- tha’s what he called ‘im when beggin’ for forgiveness. When ‘e went ta jail, no one was allowed ta call ‘im that- nobody but me. An’ no one is allowed ta call me Mick- nobody but Santi. He used  ta call me that when ‘e- when…” He took a breath. 

Danny opened his mouth, likely to comfort Miguel, but he couldn't handle it right now. He needed to say this he needed to-

“I get it now.” He met Danny’s eyes. “Santi saw it immediately, maybe even from the moment you first found ‘im but I told ‘im he was- was wrong. I was the one who told ‘im to- to keep a distance, to never be alone with you. I didn’t trust you. I wanted to but- but I didn’t- couldn’t-” Miguel could tell he was rambling at this point, Danny had stood up and seemed to be getting closer, but he had to say what he had to say-

“You’re dad-shaped.”

Danny’s eyes went wide, his arms froze outstretched to meet Miguel’s shaking frame. There was surprise on his face and Miguel wondered if he’d read it all wrong but he needed to- he couldn’t remember the last time he’d said what he wanted to and he didn’t think he’d ever say it again if he didn’t now.

“Santi keeps sayin’ you’re dad-shaped but I was afraid you- you were dad-shaped and I liked you and I din’t wanna find out you were like him and I couldn’t- I needed someone to-'' Apparently, when saying all of the things you needed to say, breathing was really difficult. He hadn’t expected that, but he couldn’t seem to get air into his lungs. “I jus’ wanted- I- I jus’- please don’ make me a idiot-” Miguel begged, feeling two hands gently but firmly grab his upper arms.

Danny was saying something but he couldn’t hear- why couldn’t he hear anything? His chest kept jerking and his face was wet and he hadn’t felt emotions this strongly in so long why did he let them out they always resulted in beatings and things so much worse and why was his chest jerking? The ringing in his ears was so loud and he couldn’t take it anymore and when did he end up on the floor- who was holding him? He should be afraid- why wasn’t he afraid of whoever was holding him-

“-guel, you’re safe. I’m not going anywhere, I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe Miguel. You’re safe with me. I’d never hurt you.” 

Hiccuping, Miguel buried his face in Danny’s oversized sweatshirt. It doubled as a way to dry his face which Miguel counted as a win and he tried to listen to Danny’s words.

“You’re doing so well, Miguel. Thank you for telling me- you’re so-” The man inhaled quickly. “Ancients, you’re so brave, Miguel.” He scoffed and Danny stilled momentarily before resuming his rocking. “I mean it kid. You’ve been through so much and your first instinct is still to always protect your brother. And that’s so brave. But I’m here to help with that now. I want you to feel safe enough with me to not only leave your brother with me, but to tell me how you’re feeling.

“Expressing your feelings is hard- I- I’m still really shit at it. But you? You just told me how you’re feeling and why and what you want and you trusted me with that and that’s-” he whistled. “You never fail to impress me, Miguel.”

Part of him wanted to repress the tears he felt threatening to pour over, he’d just started to calm down and dry his face, but God if he hadn’t been waiting for someone to say that to him. Sobs wracked his body and Miguel… he just let it happen. He- he was safe here. He was okay to show how scared he was- how scared he’d been, there was no one here who’d use his feelings against him. No one who would manipulate him into doing things he didn’t want or risk them doing those things to his brother. He was in the arms of someone who would protect him and his brother- someone who had. 

He’d sat on the floor just like this last night, crying for an entirely different reason, thinking the man who’d given them so much was being beaten the way he’d grown up being beaten by the very same man. He didn’t know if that man was dead or alive or if he’d ever wake up or walk again and he didn’t care- he didn’t- that man would never lay another finger on him or his brother and that was all thanks to Danny and Hood.

The man who’d taken them in and given them everything they could want or need and the man who’d dropped by every other night for the last two weeks to check in and leave food. Safe. He and Santiago, they were safe. And for the first time in as long as he could remember, they were safe- not because of Miguel, but because of two random adults who’d decided to protect them even at risk of their own safety. 

Huh.

It was a new feeling.

He liked it.

Prev. Next

[ahappydnp]

you get to pick phil’s next career move! what is it?

ass reveal for 3 million pounds

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 48 DETAILED SUMMARY + THEORIES

This has two locked chapters that I couldn’t unlock. (I should really go back to lesson 20 and start unlocking all the locked chapters)

Diavolo pulls MC and Levi aside and tells them he’s asked Lucifer out on countless Karaoke dates only for Lucifer to come up with countless different excuses even though he goes out for karaoke with the brothers. Levi says it’s rare but yeah.  Diavolo is really happy, saying his dream has finally come true now that he’s at a karaoke bar with Lucifer, Lucifer seems really upset (probably shouldn’t put someone’s family in danger while you’re trying to ask them out on a date just saying). Levi drags MC aside and says “hey, scary thought but uhhhhhhh do you think Diavolo set this all up? Cause if so that’s actually completely insane right?” and MC goes, “yeah lol you just caught up to it now?” while Diavolo goes “I can’t wait for you to sing for me Lucifer <3” pls sir reign it in. Lucifer says he’s not a good singer so to keep their expectations low. Levi mumbles about how that’s bs and how Lucifer’s just good at everything to the point that Levi almost hates him for it. Diavolo is pumped until crowe accidentally hits the erase button and Lucifer disappears before he can even start. Diavolo wails in despair. Levi catches on to the fact that all of this is actually technology at work and not magic.

Diavolo, back to being giggly, volunteers to go next cause he can’t let MC or Levi do so. Levi protests saying Lucifer volunteered to keep Diavolo away from it in the first place and that even though they shouldn’t let MC go Levi as Diavolo’s subject should go next. Levi says that if he lets anything happen to Diavolo while he can prevent it Lucifer & Barbatos would kill him. Diavolo laughs and says if he lets anything happen to Lucifer’s little brother while he can prevent it Lucifer would kill him. Levi asks if he’s being serious and Diavolo says he is and that he was waiting for a chance to sing. Levi gets pissed off and says this is why he can’t stand Diavolo and Diavolo’s surprised and holy shit give us a therapy session I want them to be friends? They’re both so lonely and in desperate need of friends and Diavolo’s dorky enough that if Levi opens up they’ll actually make a set of odd but good friends and plssss Levi says the way Diavolo always puts others before himself, how he’s just and fair and how he never does anything bad irritates Levi cause it makes him hate himself even more and just makes him miserable (AND HOLY SHIT!?). Diavolo is surprised and asks if that’s how levi really feels and levi blushes and snaps yes. Diavolo smile and shakes his head and says “So you hate yourself even when your humility is one of your best traits?” Diavolo says Levi spends too much time comparing himself to others and that he shouldn’t cause it’s a waste when he’s an amazing person in his own right (and holy shit diavolo!?). Levi blushes and stutters and starts denying it. And Diavolo says that his problem is that he always starts sentences with a “I’m nothing but a…” and that Levi is the one making himself miserable (and damn Diavolo no need to call me the fuck out like that lol I’m in pain). Diavolo brings up the time Satan and Lucifer switched bodies and went into Levi’s game, saying it was Levi’s idea that helped them put aside their initial beef and work toward a common goal and that no one but Levi could have done that, when Levi starts denying that he brings up the costumes Levi made for the festival and how they helped make the festival a success – Levi says he flooded the house the day before and ruined the costumes but MC agrees with Diavolo either a.) telling levi to have confidence in himself or b.) that he’s fine the way he is. Levi disagrees and says he’s a disgrace and MC either says they 1.) love him the way he is 2.) that he isn’t a disgrace. For 2.) he disagrees and while blushing says he wishes he could disappear rn. 1.) Levi blushes and growls and says it’s hard to disagree when MC says things like that but he also thanks them and says he loves them too and that he appreciates them saying that to him and that’s why he wants to learn to take pride in himself so that they could love him more (this is probably one of the first ‘I love yous’ that can be taken as either romantic or platonic and it makes me really happy. Levi tries to sing next despite Diavolo’s protests but Crowe says their time ran out and picks out the next song and singer at random: Diavolo.

Diavolo gets a score of 100 and vanishes. Crowe congratulates MC & Levi cause they can now leave. MC says this isn’t a joke and Levi agrees saying what’s the point of leaving if the others aren’t safe. Levi makes a deal with Crowe saying if he sings and gets a score of 100 Crowe must bring everyone back, he then gets pissed off and yells at Crowe saying that  he’s no friend and that he wants his brothers and his friend – Diavolo back (Don’t mind me just crying in the corner here). MC asks if they can both sing together and Levi’s happy saying an anime medley between the both of them would guarantee 100.  The others all wake up back home at night, not really knowing what happened and pls tell me MC and Levi didn’t lug 7 unconscious grown men – more than half of whom would be 6 feet and over - all the way home together awdjjkfifjijcdn their backs would have broken also wtf would people have thought when you take multiple trips to drag 7 unconscious gorgeous men - who probably look like they’ve just finished being tortured - off with you somewhere!? Levi and MC are probably on some watch list now wtfffff. Asmo asks if the karaoke and all exciting punishments were a dream while Lucifer calls it nightmarish. MC tells them all what happened, Levi has gone straight to his room to finish his event. Barbatos calls Diavolo after leaving 200 missed calls on Lucifer’s phone. MC goes up to check on Levi.

Levi doesn’t notice MC come in and they tell him not to worry cause they said the secret phrase Levi laughs it off and says MC’s a special case who’s been chosen and can enter without the phrase. they ask him how his game’s going. Levi says he’s worn out from earlier and not in the mood for the event rn. MC can either stroke his head or offer to go make some tea. He blushes and says he’s not a child but gives them permission. He says he’s been thinking about what Diavolo said to him. He says he always unconsciously compares himself to others and wonders why he does that, MC says they like him the way he is and he blushes and thanks them saying that when they say that he can believe it cause it doesn’t sound like they’re saying it out of pity. Levi says he knows one reason he compares himself to others and that it’s cause he thinks without a game or an anime MC would leave him behind to hang out with the others and he asks them to tell him they’ll stay with him even if it’s just for the time being. MC says it won’t be just for now. Levi says that just hearing that gives him hope that he’ll learn to like himself (I need MC in my life is2g). Diavolo texts MC saying he wants to talk before he leaves, and MC tells him to wait a bit longer cause if you don’t blow off the ruler of an entire dimension to hang out with your sad friend then what kinda friend are you!? Levi jokes about asking Crowe to trap them in the room until MC scores the highest in a game they aren’t good at but tells them to go. MC can either hug or kiss him. He blushes and tells them to go before he changes his mind and thanks them for everything.

Satan’s watching new cat videos under #FrolickingWithADuck & #FriendsWithAHamster. Asmo asks for something sexier. Asmo and Beel are both sad about missing their appointments and Lucifer tells MC Diavolo’s out by the pool, he then looks sad for a second and calls MC back but then says it doesn’t matter and tells them to hurry and come inside cause it’s cold out. Diavolo’s outside happily looking at the stars and MC asks if he enjoys stargazing. He says he could look at them forever and that Barbatos called him and kept apologizing over and over again and that he had to work hard to stifle his laughter and act mad. He asks how Levi is doing and when MC tells him he says Levi’s the hero who saved them all and he should be in a good mood. MC asks him what he wanted to talk about, he tells MC that he always wants to be honest with them and that he was behind the whole karaoke thing.

He tells them he didn’t do it outta malice and they say they know. He says initially it was an accident but then he realised where exactly he ended up and how crowe had said they had special challenge room and he couldn’t help himself. He asks MC if they’re angry. They’re angry, in both options MC’s pissed off. He says the way they’re looking at him now is unbearable and that after the brothers left he was lonely and kept getting reminded of what it was like before they Fell and how we just wanted to relax and enjoy something with them. He says he knows it’s childish and silly but after seeing how much fun the brothers were having in the RPG he felt jealous. MC can ask him who exactly he was jealous of or tease him how even an heir to an entire dimension can get jealous. He says he was jealous of the brothers getting to hand out with MC and this is what I mean when I say the side characters having romantic feelings for MC in the main storyline doesn’t fully make sense. Cause yeah sure he would’ve been jealous of the brothers being able to just hang out and play with MC but he’d also be jealous of MC being able to fit in so seamlessly with the brothers something that they’ve shown Diavolo wanting since S1. He asks if MC can forgive him and they agree. He says he was more nervous admitting this to MC than he would’ve been admitting it to Lucifer and that he always has fun with MC and feels happy yet nervous around them and that he truly adores them. I just want MC to have close platonic friends pls I desperately need MC and Diavolo to have a strong close friendship where Diavolo pines about how great Lucifer is and MC rolls their eyes constantly cause they live with the guy and he’s a major grade A douche but they’re still willing to listen and play wingman and if Solmare doesn’t give it to me I’m just gonna have to do it myself and write that shit

There’s a bright light and MC is stopped from jumping into the pool and drowning themself to get out of this situation by a snotty Barbatos turning up. MC can either scold Barbatos for what happened or ask if he’s alright. He says he’s fine but then lists all the symptoms of the flu so really he’s lying. Barbatos keeps apologising to Diavolo and MC and Lucifer who’s apparently being eavesdropping the whole time :)))))))))) Diavolo’s shocked and goes to ask Lucifer how long he’s being there but is interrupted by Barbatos sneezing. Lucifer takes the distraction and starts fretting over Barbatos and trying to send him back home and Diavolo takes the lead and follows him. No clue what MC’s doing but I’m guessing they’re eyeing the pool and revisiting that drowning option. Diavolo & Barbatos say their goodbyes and leave. Lucifer tries to make small talk about Barbatos being sick but MC immediately cuts him off to call him out about eavesdropping. He deflects and starts talking about the weather. MC can either let him get away with it and walk back inside or take his hand and use the power of puppy dog eyes to make him say he wasn’t eavesdropping and just waiting for a time to cut in…sure…okay. When they come back the entire living room is flooded and this what Lucifer says word for word “What…did the Earth’s crust temporarily deform beneath just this one house, sending it plummeting to the ocean floor and back again?” and I dunno why but that had me in tears. Mammon & Asmo blame each other, Beel says Levi summoned Lotan. Levi tries to defend himself but Lucifer, while smiling, says he’s a compassionate and kind person so they each get to choose their own punishment and Mammon goes to ask why Lucifer’s more pissed than usual and what’s got his panties in a bunch but is cut off by a scream. While Lucifer tortures his brothers MC thinks back to what Diavolo told them.

In the morning Asmo and Mammon gush over electronic kitchen appliances and Levi tells them not to get used to them. Belphie and Satan argue about having the tv on during breakfast until Satan notices Diavolo and Barbatos on tv instantly causing Lucifer to start choking on his food (and pls dear god doesn’t this man go through enough!?) The news is talking about Corvo the world’s leading hotel chain and its mysterious owner, which just finished its 8th hotel in the county – Corvo Lagoon View. MC goes um wtf is happening rn? And lucifer says god would I like to know. Diavolo bursts in, happy that their segment is being aired already and Barbatos says it’s to be accepted given how the whole of high society is talking about it. When Lucifer asks what’s going on Diavolo says that he used Barbatos’ mistake to blackmail him into allowing Diavolo come and stay in the human realm. Corvo is revealed to be run by the three-legged crow. Diavolo also says he forgot to tell something to MC yesterday and MC has a panicked flashback to yesterday’s conversation while Lucifer sits silently and avoids eye contact. MC: NOW!? HERE!? IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!? Diavolo: YEAH! :D Diavolo takes MC’s hand and gives them a star and MC almost passes out in relief, Lucifer though we don’t see him has definitely passed out.

[thejilyship]

I’m just gonna jump right in: 

Breonna Taylor. Nothing substantial has happened to rectify this situation yet. Not that anything can actually rectify what happened, but the officers, as of the time I’m writing this at 10pm on june 4th, have not faced any consequences. 

Justice for Breonna Petition This petition only takes about fifteen seconds to sign, and if you follow through to step three, you can use the ‘one click’ sign feature on the sight to sign a host of other petitions. Petitions don’t always work of course, but many of the petitions for George Floyd were ‘victorious’ so they don’t accomplish nothing. Letting people know that millions of people are for or against something can be powerful

Fight for Breonna This is another petition demanding specific policy changes and for the charges against Kenneth to be dropped you can also go to the website directly to read about her story and find numbers you can call and people you can email about all of this HERE

There are still people out there that don’t know Breonna’s story. Share it. Force people to listen to what happened to her. 

Her birthday is tomorrow. Cate Young put together a list of things that you can do to help HERE. One of the things that they are asking of people, is to send kind words to the family as they commemorate her birthday without her. 

HERE is an article that was written yesterday that goes over what has and has not happened, it also talks about David McAtee. Educating yourselves is invaluable. If you don’t know what’s going on, then you’re being willfully ignorant. I know this is a lot to take in, I know it’s hard to stomach, but we have to pay attention and we have to do something about it so that it stops happening. 

HERE is an article detailing David McAtee’s story. The cops are claiming that he shot first, but there is no body cam footage for some reason and they have not released who shot and killed him. The chief has been fired, only after it became public that the cameras were not turned on (tho the mayor fired him so it’s possible that he didn’t know about the cameras until after it became public knowledge.) 

Petition for David McAtee Again, no one has been identified as his killer. The body cams were turned off, and they were responding to a break of curfew, so the fact that they showed up so heavily armed and threw pepper balls (it’s like a paintball full of pepper spray from what I understand) to disperse the group of people who were eating on the street corner in front of David’s restaurant. 

go to the BLACKLIVESMATTER website. They have more information and resources than I could list here. 

and the most uncomfortable bullet point... have those super hard conversations with your parents and your siblings and your friends. Show them the videos that the protesters are posting that show what is being done to them when they are being peaceful. You’re not going to change everyone’s mind, and even if you’re changing people’s mind, you won’t change it all the way with one conversation. This needs to be an on going thing. 

I had a conversation with both of my parents today and didn’t walk away from it feeling completely dejected, so it’s possible! Even if it doesn’t seem like it. We talked about the protest that took place in the town we used to live in. How it was small and mainly white because black people still say that they avoid the town if at all possible. We talked about George Floyde and Breonna Taylor. We said their names and talked about why the protesters were so angry, and it felt productive. It felt like a (albeit small) step in the right direction. I listened as much as I spoke, I didn’t jump down anyone’s throat, because it’s my job as an ally to try and change people’s minds, especially the people who black voices don’t normally reach. If you get angry and defensive, people stop listening to you. 

As an ally, it’s your job to have those conversations, with people you know. I know the impulse is to unfriend them, but don’t do that. If you do, then their echo chamber becomes that less diverse and they have fewer people to challenge the way they see the world. If you really hate the shit they post, just unfollow them, but don’t unfriend them.

Of course donate what you can. There are so many wonderful people doing so many wonderful things, and they need money to do these things. Protesters are being detained, they need bail. Medics are offering their services for free at protests, they need supplies. The families of those murdered need your support too. The blm site has links to everything in their ‘donate’ tab. 

Also, Sybrina Fulton, Trayvon Martin’s mother, is running for office in Miami! Support her campaign if you can! 

Alright, I know that there was probably a lot that I didn’t say, I might want to say more later, but this is where I’m going to leave things tonight. 

Be kind when you can, take care of yourself and your friends and do whatever you can to help. There is progress already being made! All of this is making a difference! Keep it up! 

[bleepblopbloop56]

The Murder In The Dressing Room

Chapter 5: Smile

Chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, ao3

Warnings: myrder, blood, gore, graphic descriptions of getting killed, needles, some unwanted kisses, really this just is my favorite chapter but its the most graphic

And like i say ever chapter @pathos-logical did all the heavy lifting and i love her more than i love myself

---

"Where do we go from here?" Remy muttered- here being a total dead end. For what felt like the hundredth time, he scanned over everything pinned up on Logan's walls. The whole thing looked a lot more like something you'd see on TV than how they usually did things, but Logan was always one for more old-school methods. Remy was fairly sure that when he’d started on the job, he'd been hoping to be much more of a black and white film noir detective than he'd turned out to be. 

No matter how many times they'd looked over Logan's notes, the end result was nothing. Neither location had security cameras, and there was no DNA, no fingerprints, no footprints, and no witnesses. All they had was a mask, and Roman.

And what little they did have didn't make any sense. The murders seemed frantic and uncalculated, resembling crimes of passion rather than stone cold murders. And yet the killer never left a trace, implying they had planned every detail.

"Alright, alright," Logan groaned, throwing himself into his chair and rubbing his temples. "Let's do this again. So our timeline is…?" he trailed off. Remy scowled at Logan's expectant look, but he heaved an aggravated sigh and laid out the case for the umpteenth time. 

"So, for the hundred and first time! At 5 o’ clock Monday afternoon, Thomas Sanders arrived at the Star Theater." Remy pointed to the very start of the board. "His performance ended at 8:25, and cast members can recall seeing him in the theater until around 9:30." He stopped to grab a sip of his drink before pushing forward. "He never returned home that night, and at 6:42, Tuesday morning, his roommate Roman Cardona Rodriguez-" Logan glared as Remy exaggeratedly rolled the "R's"- "had called in a dead body wearing a theater masks he'd found in dressing room number three, time of death unknown." Remy sighed, pushing his sunglasses on top of his head. No matter how many times he went over it, nothing cleared up.

"Three days later at around 7 o’clock, Roman left Remus Rodriguez’ home, claiming he was still alive when he left. You two had a makeout session in the parking lot, and at 12:56 am you and Roman discovered a dead body, also wearing a mask. Obvious signs of struggle, and as you said, Roman was found with a fresh bruise he claims was also from Remus. Is that enough for you, Specs, or will I need to do it a hundred and second time?" 

Logan ignored him, mind racing a million miles per hour. "And the only connection is… Roman…" he mumbled to himself, throwing his head forward onto the desk and groaning. "Well, since we know it's not Roman-" Remy cut him an exasperated glare but didn't say anything- "the murderer has to be someone who knows him. Did he state why he moved back?" 

Remy picked up a file and skimmed through it. "The official statement is he broke up with his fiance." Logan jumped so hard Remy could hear his knees bang against the desk. "Off-record, he stated that his man was getting into some sketchy bullshit that he didn't want to be a part of." In all honesty, most of Remy's investigations were off the record. He found that connecting to a suspect like a human got him way more information than Logan's methods, even if they weren't exactly as professional. Or legal. 

"His fiance…" For a second Logan didn't say anything else, trying to avoid showing how much his heart stung at the words. But as if struck by lightning, he suddenly sat up in his seat. "That's a motive… Remy, that's our first lead!" Logan exclaimed. "An angry ex-fiance who wants to make Roman's life a living hell by killing off everyone he loves!"

He leapt into action, scribbling in his notebook before moving to type frantically on his computer, but Remy's reaction to the possible lead was unusually subdued.

"That's not good," Remy said quietly. Sometimes pushing puzzle pieces together meant revealing a much darker picture than you'd expected. 

"What do you mean? Of course it's good! We have a suspect- now all we have to do is find out who this guy is and pull him in for questioning," Logan smiled, but the expression dropped off his face when Remy continued.

"No, you idiot. I mean if this dude's killing everyone Roman loves, doesn't that make you a target?" Logan froze. "Roman left this guy for you, doesn't that put you on his hit list?" 

Shit.

-

Virgil got home at exactly 5:30 pm every single day. Routines eased his anxiety, so he had settled into one. He got off work at 5, reached home by 5:30, and changed into his pajamas by 5:33. 

The door was unlocked when he came home, and that was the first sign his routine would be broken today. 

"Logan?" he called, setting his bag down where he always did and continuing through the house. Logan's bedroom door was standing wide open, but the lights were off. Logan never left without closing his door. "Logan? Dude?" No response. 

Virgil was no stranger to anxiety, but something about this felt different. Something in the air was making it feel like all of the blood was being drained out of his body, making his hands shake at his sides and a pit form in his stomach.

He stepped into the bedroom, trying to tell himself he'd just been watching too many Buzzfeed Unsolved videos. That he was just being paranoid and making up ridiculous theories. That an unlocked door didn't mean he was in trouble. 

Virgil switched on the lights, jerking his head around to look for a demon or intruder, anything. 

There was nothing. See? Paranoi-

A gloved hand suddenly clawed its way over his mouth, a knife to his throat. He needed to scream, he needed to scream, and nothing was coming out. 

Fight-

or flight-

or freeze.

But… the man wasn’t doing anything. There was a second where the loudest sound was Virgil’s heartbeat in his ears, and then the man spoke.

“You’re not Logan.” The words were clipped, cool, but there was an edge to them as sharp as the knife at Virgil’s throat. The man stayed still behind him, steady against Virgil’s increasingly fast breaths. Was this a mugging? Was this how muggings were supposed to go? Did robbers usually know the names of the people they were stealing from? Did they hold knives to people’s necks and then just stand there?

“Who are you?”

Virgil couldn't say anything. All of the words in his head were swamped together, getting caught in his throat and leaving him unable to make anything but a choked noise in reply.

"Answer. Me,” he growled low into his ear, tightening his grip on Virgil so hard he almost wondered if he was going to crack a bone before Virgil could say anything...

"V- Virgil." The name sounded wrong on his own tongue, like everything in his body was telling him not to say a word.

The man pulled him against his chest, walking slowly with him over to the bed.

"Hello, Virgil." He drawled out the name, testing how it sounded. Virgil still couldn't see his face, but he could hear the smirk in his voice. "Come on, Virgil, be nice, say hello back to me!" He pressed the knife a little harder before he moving his hand down to let Virgil speak. 

"H- hi…" he forced out, breathing hard. The guy smelled like he'd been drinking and like he used too much cologne. Tears started to run down his face, and Virgil thanked all the gods he didn't believe in that Logan and Patton were out of the house. 

"Is this where good old Detective Logan lives?" the man asked, far too casually for the fact that he was holding Virgil at knifepoint. Mindful of the knife at his throat, Virgil shook his head no. If he couldn't save himself, he could at least give Logan a chance.

The man pulled his hair back, pressing the knife against his neck harder until it began to draw blood. "WRONG ANSWER!" he shrieked. "Would you like to try lying to me again?" 

Virgil desperately tried to shake his head without slitting his own throat, barely containing a plea for the man to just stop.

"Good boy!" he smiled, voice suddenly back to smooth and casual. The pressure against Virgil's neck eased, but the man's hand kept him in place. "Now… Does. Detective. Logan. Live. Here," he growled into his ear. Virgil nodded, all thoughts of bravery from before escaping his mind as he began to cry harder. He felt like he was going to puke, and he was barely getting in enough air. But despite all that, he did his best to stay quiet for the man with the knife.

"Even though you're a lying little bitch," he snarled, running a hand through Virgil's hair and making him tremble even harder, "I think I like you. So let's make this as painless as possible, hmm?" He reached into his bag, pulling out something Virgil couldn't see. For a split second, Virgil wondered what it could be, but he got his answer soon enough.

The man leaned in slowly, and it took everything in Virgil not to pull away from the sensation of his breath against his neck. He kissed the spot slowly, holding Virgil’s trembling body against his like he wanted to draw this out as long as possible. 

The man paused as he pulled back. He looked with satisfaction at the spot he had kissed, now slightly red but not bad enough to bruise- and used it as a target, plunging a syringe deep into Virgil's neck. 

Virgil cried out in pain, sobs shuddering through his body. It only took a moment before he realized he couldn't blink, couldn't even move his eyes. And then the numbness spread- first to his fingers, then his arms and legs, until it was clear the only thing keeping him in a sitting position was the hand at his back. And- god, was his throat closing up?

The man behind him shushed him softly. "There you go, Virgil, it's okay- all done, see?" he soothed, pulling out the needle and putting it back in his bag. The way he was speaking was horribly reminiscent of how Logan would hush Patton when giving him medicine or changing a diaper. 

The man laid him down on the bed, gently running a hand through his hair, and through the black spots beginning to crowd the edges of his vision, Virgil finally got a good look at his face. Green eyes, crooked nose- the kind you'd get if you've had it broken a few times- and a bright red scar across one side of his face. There was no crazy thrill or adrenaline behind his eyes like Virgil might have expected. In fact, he looked perfectly calm.

That was somehow worse.

The man smiled down at him, clearly reveling in his panic. "Y'know, at first I came here for my good friend Detective Grey," he said, getting up and monologuing like an honest-to-god Disney villain. God, Virgil couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe- "But then you came in. I didn't expect lil ol Logan to have a roommate!" He strolled up to the dresser, where a framed picture of Logan holding Patton was proudly displayed.

"Or two, based on the decor…" He looked around, taking in the baby toys strewn across the floor, how half of Logan's room had been transformed into a nursery. He popped the picture out of the frame, folding it up and shoving it in his pocket. "I think I'd like to play with him a bit more… You gave me an idea, Virgil! I'm so proud!" Virgil's chest was burning, and he'd long since lost control of his body. But he was still awake, he was still aware, why couldn't this nightmare end-

The man began rummaging in his bag, and for a moment Virgil hopped it was a gun to finish him off. But instead he pulled out a bright gold mask with an eerie smile carved in.

"Why do you look so sad?!" he cooed, placing the mask on top of Virgil's face right as the black overtook his vision. 

"Smile."

---

The murder in the dressing room taglist:

@cataclysm-al @theteenagetrickster @intrurality-fusion @katie-the-noble-fangirl @whizzie72 @grayson-22 @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing @winterwonderland7669 @missieluvsmurder @sign-from-god-complex @dragonindigo245 @angryfanboyscreaming @ninja-wizard101 @sombraookami @crystalistrappedintheinternet @imtooaromanticforthis @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @dragon-hair @satanblessi @spookilyfingergunsoutofexistence @skruffy901 @selectivereality @nonbeenary-enbee @imbasicallyshakespear @cats-vetal-miking-vomit @incoherentfangirl @oofmood @nonbianary-pineapple @royalnerd829 @unicornlogansanders

[coll2mitts]

#65 Beauty and the Beast (2017)

I’m burning through my Disney+ subscription, and instead of this forever cursing my drafts section until I work my way through the other lower movies on this list, you’re getting this one now.

Beauty and the Beast was my favorite Disney movie as a child.  Belle was smart, she read a lot, and she was a bit of an outcast, which were my only identifiers as a wee lass (other than being obnoxious and constantly having tangled hair).  I'm going to bet that this movie is the reason so many girls my age went through a Paris phase in their tween years.  I did take 3 years of high school French that I have almost no memory of.  

The original's animation is gorgeous, the songs by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman are iconic, and the romance between two people who learn how to trust and support each other... it's probably the reason why I've stayed in terrible relationships for way too long.  My father took me to see this movie in theaters when I was 6, and it is the first movie I remember crying during out of sadness.  There I was, while the Beast was dying, trying to hide the fact tears were streaming down my face because I didn't want my dad to see I was crying and not take me to see another movie again.  When they adapted it for Broadway, I listened to that soundtrack over and over...  "Home" was my favorite song, and the end still makes me cry like a 6-year-old.  It's perfect.

I had attempted to watch this remake once before.  I hated it so much I started drinking, and then peaced out so hard when Lumiere started moving that I had to watch Moana to normalize myself.  Visually, this movie is what happens when the Uncanny Valley turns into the fucking Grand Canyon.  Little did I know that this movie gets worse... much worse... as it goes on, and that Stephen Chbosky, the author and director of The Perks of Being a Wallflower made it this way.  A man who wrote one of my most beloved novels and movie adaptations helped in creating this narrative monstrosity, and that, out of all of this, was the deepest cut of all.

I'm not rehashing the plot, because I have too much to say about why this remake shouldn't exist, and I’m going to guess you’ve either seen the movie or are familiar with this almost 300-year-old story.  It took the source material and just murdered it in its attempts to update it.  I'm going to start positive and work toward the biggest issue I had with it, because I'm currently writing angry and that never turns out well for me.

Things I liked:

This may be controversial, but I did like Josh Gad's performance as LeFou.  I'm not saying what LeFou did made any sense (he suddenly was upset Gaston was making things up again?), but as an actor, Josh Gad was working with what he had, and I think he owned it.

Chip's introduction to Maurice - I actually paused the movie because I was laughing so hard.

The piano playing the funeral march when it tackled LeFou.

When Mrs. Potts said Chip smelled good when he turned back into a little boy.  It was a cute little detail.

The guillotine joke in "Be Our Guest" and the Les Miserables barricade reference.

I actually thought Cogsworth was adorable for being a CGI nightmare.  I don't know how much of my opinion of this was influenced by the voice of Ian McKellan.

I really liked the costumes, except for Belle's gown, which was definitely a downgrade.  Micarah articulated the issues with it perfectly.

Celine Dion singing the credits song was a nice homage to her cover of "Beauty and the Beast", although it sucks she's associated with this nightmare of a remake.

Little quibbles:

Whatever they did to Emma Watson’s voice made her sound like a robot.

Almost all the CGI, especially the Beast, was completely unsettling.  The wardrobe was the worst of it, holy shit.

They went out of their way to explain plot holes like "Why don't the villagers remember the castle?" or “Why is it snowing when it looks like the middle of summer in the village?” or "How did Belle get the Beast up on that horse?" when none of that really matters to the overall narrative.

The reaction to Belle teaching a little girl how to read was unbelievably eye-roll inducing.  Lindsay Ellis' video on this is so fucking good, watch it now - You don't have to read the rest of my ramblings if you do. #beastforshe

Ariana Grande slurring her way through "Beauty and the Beast".

It was nice to see Maurice updated from a manic inventor to a level-headed, sweet, competent, reserved man who treats his daughter like an equal.  Clock-maker Maurice that actually takes care of Belle reads better to me, and I like how they had him wander into the garden to get a rose for her - it's a nice callback to the original story.  The problem with doing this, however, is it negates the "crazy old Maurice" narrative that plays heavily into why the villagers don't believe his tale of the Beast in the first place.  If Kevin Kline, a put-together man (up until this point), wandered into the tavern looking disheveled and conveying a story about his daughter being kidnapped, I'd be like, "Shit, Maurice, what did you see?!".  But instead, the story goes out of its way to put him at the mercy of Gaston, and shoehorn in an attempted murder plot to really turn everyone against him - it's bizarre.

Medium quibbles:

Gaston went from being a well-liked, athletically inclined dude to a literal predator and murderer.  Belle was a beautiful status symbol in the original movie, but she becomes literal game to Gaston in the remake, as he refers to her as prey, or something to be hunted.  When Maurice gets in-between him and Belle, Gaston punches him in the face and leaves him out in the forest to be eaten by wolves?!  What does this add to the story?!  Gaston wasn't right for Belle because he wasn't kind and didn't intellectually stimulate her, but that nuance is wasted on the remake, turning him into a full-blown vengeful villain that will literally kill Belle's family to get what he wants.

The first time Belle is brought to her room, there is this long panning shot showing off how nice it is, and she comments, in wonder, how she thinks its beautiful.  They had the fucking nerve to play “Home” in the background of this scene, completely ignoring the original context of the song is sadness and despair.  But go off, I guess...

The Big Enchilada:

This is where my notes went from eh????? to WHAT THE FUCK, so be prepared.  How someone with enough emotional maturity to write Perks can make the Beast into such an abusive asshole is so fucking beyond me, I'm still trying to process it.

Beauty and the Beast is a romance at heart, which you would never know by watching this movie, as Belle and the Beast have so little chemistry it's painful.  This might be because the Beast is abusive to Belle at every turn in the beginning, making the pivot from enemies to lovers so completely unbelievable it's shocking.  The remake is already at a deficit as the CGI Beast is terrifying, in contrast with the cartoon, which has the ability to make the Beast cuddly with big eyes and an expressive face.  But they still decide to take all of the Beast's inner conflict out of the remake, remove his agency completely out of the relationship with Belle, and make him supremely unlikable in every interaction they have together.

There are a few scenes that illustrate this, starting with the dinner invitation scene:

In the original, the Beast sees the pain he's inflicted by pulling Belle away from her father, and offers her a tour of the castle and a bedroom instead of a prison cell.  He also invites her to dine with him, although he could have gone about it wayyyy better.  He confides in his staff that she is beautiful, and he realizes she can break the spell, but he doesn't know how to appeal to her.  His staff give him tips on how to be charming and not so intimidating.  He is receptive, but overwhelmed, because he hasn't had to interact with any other human in years.  When he discovers she doesn't plan on eating with him, his anger takes over because she refused his hospitality, and he's a king, so how dare she?  The staff try to help him appear genteel, cause again, HE expressed interest in being appealing to her.  When this doesn't immediately work, he throws a massive tantrum and tells them not to feed her.  When he looks at Belle later in the mirror, he hears the direct result of his actions as Belle is ranting to the wardrobe.  He laments she'll never see him as a human because his actions have pushed her away.

In the remake, it's not the Beast’s idea to give Belle a room, or to invite her to dinner - it is his staff's intervening that puts him in that situation in the first place.  He doesn't even want to get to know her because she's a daughter of a thief, and that's somehow below his current social status of recluse animal/human hybrid.  His staff persuade him to give Belle a chance as they're all invested in breaking the spell because they'll turn into furniture if they don't!  They give him tips to manipulate her into opening the door, he tries it, it fails spectacularly, he gets angry and he leaves - but not before calling his staff idiots...  I appreciate he's not as physically violent in this version, but he just acts like he couldn’t be bothered with Belle.  He does spy on her from the mirror, but she looks bewildered.  He doesn't know if she's lonely, or missing her father, or what...  There's no indication that how he treated her in that moment has pushed her further away.  Then he just stares at the rose like, "Well, shit, this ticking time bomb is still ticking!".  It's completely self-focused.

Oh, and then Mrs. Potts tries to handwave the Beast’s behavior away with, "People say a lot of things in anger.  It is our choice whether or not to listen," which, excuse me, WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!  You are in charge of how to interpret someone's actions, and you could just choose to ignore when they are being abusive??  I CAN'T.  She also tries to gaslight Belle into seeing how great the Beast is when Belle has had zero positive interactions with the dude since she's been there.  The wardrobe brings it up in the original, but this is after he's offered Belle a room and invited her to dinner himself, not by his staff...

The west wing scene and the Beast turning into less of a dick:

In the original, the Beast himself tells Belle not to go to the west wing.  Her curiosity brings her there, because she wants to understand more about him and what he is hiding.  She's invading his space knowing full well that she is invading his space.  When she is discovered, she's about to fuck around with something that is literally tied with the Beast's livelihood.  His anger is disproportionate, but justified, and you see that he immediately regrets his reaction after she runs away from him.  That’s why he goes after her.  Belle watches him risk his life to save her even though she broke a promise to him, so she decides to repay the favor by bringing him back.  They fight while she's trying to clean his wound, and they're both right in their perspectives, but the Beast acknowledges that yes, his temper got the best of him - he realized that the moment she bolted.  Belle then rewards his selfless act by thanking him, which sets his entire transformation in motion.  

He gives her the library because he expresses interest in doing something to make her happy, and he vocalizes he's falling in love with her.  He's delighted by her reaction.  During the ballroom scene, the way he looks at her, you can see he absolutely adores her.  He asks, "Are you happy here with me?" because he loves her, and her well-being is the most important thing.

In the remake, the staff tell Belle not to got to the west wing because it's a storage area.  She wanders over there anyway, for whatever fucking reason, and takes a glance at the rose behind the glass.  The Beast finds her looking at it and gets mad at her, even though he never told her not to visit him in the west wing, and she didn't fuck around with the rose.  When she runs away, he doesn't even look like he cares.  There is no reason for him to go after her, and there is no reason for her to help him back to the castle other than the plot told them to do it.  She doesn't help him with his wounds, and the staff are the ones to thank her for returning him.  She even asks the staff why the fuck they care about him, because he's such an asshole.  They justify his behavior because he had a cruel father, and damn themselves to his fate because they didn't stop a literal monarch from raising his son.  Belle continues to take care of him because she pities him?  He repays her kindness by insulting her taste in literature.

He doesn't even show her the library because he knows she likes books, he does it because he wants her to read "better" books.  Then he makes one joke about not reading Greek and THAT IS WHAT MAKES BELLE SWOON.  THE FUCKING GREEK BOOK JOKE.  I mean, I sort of get it, I fell in love with my ex because he made a bread pun, but he hadn't been continually abusive to me up until that point.  Belle starts to read out loud to him, and that's supposed to be the event that incentives the Beast to be better?  Even while Belle is singing about how much he's changed (he hasn't), he throws a boulder of snow in her face. The cherry on top of this sundae is his stoic question after they dance, "It's foolish, I suppose, for a creature like me to hope that one day he might earn your affection?" which not only sounds like complement fishing, it is primarily motivated by breaking the curse!  Only after she gives an indifferent answer does he ask if she'd be happy at the castle.

Oh god, and the death scene is cut off in the middle because we have to watch 2 minutes of the staff members permanently turning into furniture, which, like, I wouldn't think they'd want to castrate the emotional climax of the movie, but this whole thing is an exercise on how to fuck something already good up.

This movie fails so spectacularly at this basic love story, I can't begin to justify its existence.  I wouldn't recommend this to anybody.  If you want to watch new Alan Menkin content, watch Galavant, because this movie just pissed me off.

It was bold of Disney to end it with a beastiality joke, though.

[prorevenge]

Want to f**k with your child’s life? You picked the wrong child.

This is not a hate post. This is about the revenge that we got on these bastards, pure and simple. If you want to go off all high and mighty about how awful <Topic> is since it was in this story, fuck off and do it somewhere else. This is about her revenge, not your opinion.

Anyways, let’s begin.

I’m going to retell the original story from the MC post because I left a lot out there. Sorry if you already read it.

About three years ago, I was in a multi-school academic support network, which had a summer camp. At this camp, I met K.

K was a closeted lesbian, and was very scared of us telling her parents due to their extreme political and narcissistic views. I had dealt with this situation a few times, but not on this extreme of a level. Her parents were so far off the end of the scale, I dared not say anything about politics or religion in fear of starting an inquisition. These people made Westboro look like moderates.

To give an example, they had complete control over her phone, emails, mail, and pretty much every other route of communication. So when they decided one of her friends was “too Jewish” (his last name sounded Jewish to them) they deleted him from her life. They called the program and rearranged her schedule so she would never see him. Later, we found out they filed false, anonymous complaints against him so he wouldn’t be invited back. Overnight, they removed him from her life.

And this was not the last kid they did this with.

K was terrified of her parents, but they owned her. There was no way to escape short of suddenly becoming an adult.

I was seriously worried about her, to the point where I bought her an emergency-only prepaid phone, which I told her to hide. This was, unequivocally, the best decision I’ve ever made.

Fast-forward to January. K is struggling with the stress of everything, and says something innocuous in group chat along the lines of “good thing I don’t have to worry about boys”.

We suddenly stop hearing responses from her. Her cell phone goes offline. The house phone kicks all of our numbers, but not pay phones or other lines. The parents pick up, but say that there’s no one with that name at this address, then hang up. Her classmate says she doesn’t show up for class that day. Alarm bells are going off for everyone.

And then I get the call from K. “Please, come pick me up. I was kicked out. It’s cold.”

I’m the closest, and I had a car, and I was driving in blowing, heavy snow in far below freezing weather. I won’t say that rage and panic fueled me, but I will say it got me there in one piece. I have never, ever, driven a car as recklessly, as hard, or as fast as I did that day.

When I got there she was huddled under a tarp, barefoot, in pajamas, at the foot of her house’s stairs. The parents saw my car and rush out to scream at me for “taking their child from the path of god” and “corrupting her with devil worshipping ideas” or some shit like that. I told them that if she listened to me, it was the first time she had ever done that.

And then the critical sentence (direct quote for once): “she’s not our child anymore! You godless heathen ruined her mind!” And then, “She’s no daughter of ours!”

Now, I’m going to pause this for a moment to preface everything that happens from this point on: this is not a pro-atheist or anti-Christian post. These whack jobs are the furthest thing from human I’ve ever seen. Do not use them as a generalization for <Religious Group> or a bandwagon to sell your ideals. I’m not dealing with that shit here.

K, freezing and scared, hides in my car. The parents start to get aggressive and hostile towards me, so I make two things very clear to them.

I am recording everything they say. I have a camera on my car and my phone, and I have a police officer waiting for me at the foot of the driveway (I called the cops before I arrived due to not feeling safe).

I am leaving and never coming back, as per their request. K will be coming with me, since she is not their daughter, per their screaming rant.

They start arguing with (aka screaming over) me about how she can be ‘cured’ by methods that range from dubious to straight up illegal. By this point, I’m done. I get back in my car while they’re screaming at me and head back down the driveway.

The cop and I have a short chat, and he recommends we be brought to the police station ASAP to prevent the parents from saying I kidnapped her. After a six-hour ER visit for her hypothermia and minor frostbite, escorted by police, we arrive. All of my video and audio recordings are entered into official records, and the officer’s dashcam footage, and K’s ER report are filed away.

I didn’t know it at the time, but all of that would prove to be essential in court later.

I sign her into a hotel in my town, and lawyer up. The lawyer I know specifically deals with cases like hers for free. He is very, very good at it.

There was a lot of legalese, and a long process and a lot of angry exchanges that I really didn’t understand or participate in, but two years later, she was emancipated. I got to be a witness, and that recording and the ER report cinched the case, proving neglect. The parents didn’t even try to argue against it, instead using some weird religious law argument.

K’s older half-brother learned what was happening during the first year and supported her financially while she was in school. He hated the parents far more than either of us did (K feared them more and I was just disgusted by them).

It wasn’t much of a fight. The parents represented themselves, and tried to drop the case on “religious grounds”, which isn’t a thing.

After this, the revenge started. And K did not hold back.

During proceedings, it was discovered that the parents had been using their children’s Social Security cards for loans, credit, bank accounts, and other sketchy stuff. They were already going to jail for that, but K took it to the next level.

Now, these were all the things K told me after the fact. I wasn’t involved in this part, and I didn’t write down all the details that well, but the following is approximately what happened from what I have been told or remember.

So, WARNING; fuzzy details.

One of the things that had been purchased in her name was the father’s truck. K reported it as missing, since she was technically an owner of the truck. They pulled the father over and confiscated the truck as stolen, because his name was not in the title, the wife’s was. When he tried to prove it was his by filling out the bill of sale on the back, he found that the title for the vehicle had been invalidated when K had ordered a new one and donated the vehicle to the fire department for Jaws-of-Life training. That same day.

The mother’s credit cards were the same, but K just cancelled all of them and declared ID theft. This froze some of the mother’s bank accounts, which were under K’s SSN.

The family was already in chaos but K cranked it to 11. Due to the SSN, K was listed as the main contact for the family’s cell phone and internet plans. She cancelled both. She killed the email accounts in her name that she could access and rerouted her mail to her new PO Box, where she may have “accidentally” forgotten to say they should only reroute her mail.

She also called in repossessions on everything that had been bought with her SSN on credit. The loans included renovations on the home, so the parents were forced to sell.

By the time K was done, the parents were happy to go to jail for fraud, identity theft, and their other, numerous crimes rather than live on the street.

All I do know is that they became social pariahs in town before that. Stores banned them for their increasingly violent attempts at converting people. People they knew for years turned on them. The father was fired for failing a performance review, and the mother lost her job selling <Stuff?> due to her increased radicalization.

In the end, K’s siblings went to live with her half-brother since he was the closest living relative. The parents lost all rights to visitation, as the state nullified their parental rights and gave guardianship to the half-brother, mostly due to the criminal charges.

But the real revenge might just be that as the sentencing was carried out, K flipped the parents off in front of the judge and the judge just laughed at the parent’s attempts to claim it was hate speech.

TL;DR: Narcissistic and awful parents attempt to ruin child’s life for being lesbian. Child sends them to jail.

(source) (story by CynicalAltruist)

[bigdickmadej]

bru, give me dom!Shane headcanons pls

Long ass headcanon list with background, shyan and even shara, and all that nobody actually asked for, i’M SO SORRY– under the cut:

Background

It all started when he was having a not strings attached relationship with a woman named Hannah back in college. She loved when he got dirty and possessive, and slowly asked for more until she was explaining to him about how she loved being a sub, and she thought he had potential for domming.

At first, he just wanted to try it out because it was fun to do shit with her, but he ended up liking it a lot.

Once she invited him to the bdsm club she often went to, he thought of trying other stuff to find out if he was comfortable as a dom or could switch, or prefered to be a sub himself. Since he only dommed her, he had the doubt if it was because he liked it or because she liked it.

Still, as they were together, he didn’t try anything else and didn’t went to the club alone ever.

Eventually, they went their separate ways but are always happy to see each other at the club when he goes. She also recommended him with people from another club at LA when Hannah heard he was moving after college.

They still see each other from time to time at club parties and so. She and her current husband are golden memebers of the club, and she always invites Shane to their parties even if he doesn’t go.

College

Shane never really had a sub aside from Hannah during that time, mostly because he was busy studying and finding out what he liked.

Breaking his relationship with Hannah allowed him to have a few first of his own, like the first time he dared to go alone to the club. He stuck by the bar and agreed to fuck with another girl after talking so much with her, he actually thought nothing would happen.

After that, he went more often when he felt like he needed his mind somewhere else.

He tried a lot of kinds of dynamics as a sub, but realized he wasn’t really into that. It hardly did something for him and he just kept disappointing the person he was with. His desire for pleasing and devoting his entire body to that person and their pleasure was not the kind that works better on a sub, it made him realize he was better suited to be a dom.

So, he tried a bunch of dynamics as a dom. He def doesn’t like master/slaves dynamics, and he is so not into age play but isn’t sure why he does likes calling his sub baby girl/boy, and can take being called daddy if fitting.

He had his first boyfriend during that time but didn’t dare to bring up the idea of having a dynamic at first, the way it went down when he did made him believe maybe he shouldn’t the next time.

When it happened, it also went not okay and so, Shane decided he would keep that to himself unless he dated someone in the community. Which he did, he had a boyfriend he met at the club in Illinois and it was all good.

It only lastet a few months, though, since he then moved to L.A. and both decided to break things off before someone could get hurt. They are friendly to each other, but Shane is not sure if he is even still in the community.

General

Shane always adopts his sub’s safeword, commands and colors. Most of these are pretty standard so he finds it better that way.

Man, he is bad with dropping. He always knows what to do and how to do it, what to say and how to say it when it comes to his sub having a drop. But him? He is bad at it.

For a start, he never accepts he has one. Not sure if it’s pride or embarrassment, or just self-hate in the sense that he believes he shouldn’t be having one in the first place. He is there to make his sub feel good, he shouldn’t need comfort.

Eventually, with the right partner, he learned otherwise.

Shane’s drops are bad. He gets angry and snaps easily, and he gets annoyed easily too. He can get hurtful without even noticing.

He likes to talk about the scenes in detail, but sure as hell enjoys when he is told to improvise. He is very good at that, which has bring him good experiences.

The kind of scenes he enjoys the most are the ones where he has his sub’s body completely at his mercy. He loves kissing and sucking on skin, marking the person as his, having the space and chance to do them as he wishes and knows they enjoy the most.

While he is pretty much bisexual, Shane knows he kinda has a bit of a preference for guys. Yet, his best experiences in bdsm have always been with girls– until Ryan, that’s it.

Coming to L.A. was such a change, he didn’t visit the club Hannah recommended him during the first months. When he finally did, it was because he was too stressed and needed to get out now.

He hooked up with the same guy in there as he fit in BuzzFeed and met the people that would soon become his friends, included Ryan.

Not many people know this but most things he knows aren’t from experience but reading. He doesn’t wish to practice all the shit he knows, but he believes it’s good to be informed in case it comes in hand.

He is a kinky ass, dynamics aside. He does know he loves dirty talking, he has a thing for smaller people with big personalities that he can wreck in the best of ways, he gets off other people’s fear (not necessary at him, but if he can work a scene with such, that’s fine), being called titles and shit, he loves to eat out people– ass and pussy, he is all for it.

King of dirty talk.

Sara

He never thought he would have that with her. Never.

It happened because one day she asked him what was it about him getting hotter when she reacted to his dirty talk. He got nervous and ended up spilling too many things, finally after a long silene, he explained himself.

She seemed okay with that and that was it! But he noticed how she would let herself react so much more vocal and enthusiastic to his little instanses of dominance and dirty talk, it turned him on so much more, he wondered if it was just him going crazy.

Because he always wanted to have this with someone he loved. Shane always wondered how that would feel like, to be in love with his sub, want to worship them and please them with all he is, having that trust with the person that makes his days with the wave of their hand.

And then one day, as she was playfully nagging him in the kitchen as he finished cleaning up the dishes, she straight up puted and asked, “when are you fucking me like I know you want? I’ve been trying to put you in the mood for a month!”, she kept ramblind about how she had read little brats are a Thing and she thought he would like that, and as she kept talking about it, she didn’t saw the way he took off his watch and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt before towering in front of her and just saying “turn around”.

Poor, poor kitchen.

Their dynamic was never too hard and since it was almost a year into their relationship, it was deeper than any other Shane had before. 

Sometimes, she knew more about one thing than Shane himself, Sara kept reading and watching videos, and whatnot about things that called her attention. 

She would take these ideas to Shane later and ask if they could try and thing or two.

Lotsa dirty talk and oversensitivity.

They did A LOT of roleplay.

In fact, her favorite scene was one that lasted a week while on vacations. In it, she was Shane’s stressed and thight boss, and he was the new guy trying his best to win her over. 

Her character kept dragging him around, being mean and bossy until he realized what she needed and was able to take control for her. 

It was Banging Town for two days as the great finale.

His was one she planned all on her own for his birthday. 

She did a treasure hunting around all their favorite places in the city while texting him dirty pics of herself, the praize was her in the cutest sexy kitten lingerie/costume waiting for him on a fancy room of a fancy hotel where she would be his personal pleasure doll for the rest of the night and part of the morning. 

Boy, that was good.

God, Shane felt like dying every time he had her body against his. She was so fucking small, he just ksjnfmdksmdmsdmf.

Once, he made her come just from dirty talking. He’s very proud about it.

He took Sara to a party at the club, but even though they didn’t have any problems around, she confessed to not be much into it, so they never went again. Shane didn’t visit the club while with her, only that one time.

They never had a drop, but after they parted ways, Shane had a very bad one that ended in him telling someone about his practices.

Ryan

That someone was one very surprised, frustrated, amused and pining Ryan B*rgar*.

Shane hates the way Ryan found out. 

When they first met, he had the biggest crush on him but knew nothing would come out of it. Ryan was with someone and many things were unspoken back then, hell– he wasn’t even sure they were going to be friends. 

Ryan means so much to him, he truly hates the way things went when it comes to this theme.

He mourned his lost relationship mostly alone, but he always had this ray of sunshine following him around and asking shit. It annoyed him at times, but slowly made him realize he couldn’t do this by himself, and that’s how it actually began.

Shane has known Ryan is also a kinky ass, maybe even more than him, for a while. 

He knows Ryan has a thing for dominant people, the first thing he thought of him was “this dude is getting pegged” and when he met Ryan’s ex, “oh, he IS getting pegged”. 

Never had the means to find out and he’s respectful enough to shut up when in time the man became his friend. But dude. He is all for this potential.

As he healed, Ryan’s curiosity had started to put ideas in his head. The man keeps asking stuff, and Shane knows he is making his own researches. 

When one day he tells Shane he Did Something during his weekend and his heart aches, Shane realizes his feelings have come back.

With a fucking vengance, since he can’t stop thinking about his friend and all the possibilities.

They get into a romantic relationship first, Shane is sure they are going fast but at the same time it feels right. It feels like this is mean to happen, it’s the natural thing for them, and he has never felt that with a partner before.

One day, Ryan accidentally sees Shane’s invitation for Hannah and husband’s party in Illinois. The invitation is very… odd. It was golden and it called Ryan’s attention right away. As Shane explains what it is, Ryan gets enough corage to tell him he would like to go.

It was a great experience for both, not to mention the months before the party were filled with fun explorations and more.

Shane felt like this helped them bond deeper, since Ryan seemed to like the experience and said he would like to visit the club Shane attends in L.A.

After that, Hannah makes sure to invite them every year.

They had so much fun chosing a safeword and code, Shane helping Ryan learn about colors, the kind of dynamics there are, his two little rules, planning their first attempt at a scene. 

It was something pretty standard and soft compared with other shit Shane has done, but man– it was them, this was Ryan, and it was perfect in his book.

He knows it probably wasn’t, Ryan is constantly saying he regrets having used his safe word in the first time, while Shane keeps calling him out about it, saying how it’s important that he uses it every time he needs it.

Still, it was so good– and many others followed.

Ryan is different from all the other people Shane has been with and has practiced this with. 

He is needy but strong, he is vocal and loves to be held, he loves being taken care of. 

At the same time, he knows and is sure of what he wants, after a while he learned to ask for it and will willingly do as said in order to get it. 

He loves being a good boy, and he will be bad when he needs it, and his consent is always so enthusiastic and happy, It overwhelmed Shane at first, but always in a good way. 

Shane is so enamored with him, it feels like this will be the best of his life.

It costed Ryan a little to let go of a few things. Like the way he sometimes would drop because he refused aftercare or how whiny he would get when Shane didn’t want to do so and so. 

Mostly, Shane refuses to hurt him and sometimes it drives Ryan crazy because, “I’m not made of glass, Shane”. Eventually, they would learn how to balance this and find a middle ground where both can enjoy things.

Ryan’s favorite scenes are the ones that involve sensory deprivation, especially of his sight. And the ones involving fear. His fear kink is so prominent, Shane wonders how the FUCK he didn’t realize before.

This, of course, gets them into very interesting territories and explorations at locations or at their hotel room after a fright night for Ryan.

They have a recurrent one in which Shane is an actual demon and it turns on Ryan so much, Shane is surprised to find out it turns him on like fucking hell.

He has gotten creative with this one, from just dialogues and some sort of backstory they did together, to make up and props, and costumes, and whatever is necessary to make the atmosphere in their room to be more demon-y-like.

They have the “Kinky Room”, as Shane calls it, on their apartment when they move in together. It’s just kinda the guest room, they just fill it with their toys and other stuff that helps with scenes when in The Mood.

Once in the mood, it’s almost impossible to get them out of it. Shane is better at putting a pause, and he always helps Ryan through it.

MAN, SUBSPACE. Shane is sure he has never seen something so beautiful as Ryan in subspace.

His aftercare when this happens is always the sweetest, Ryan can’t hide how much he loves it.

Shane always asks him to describe to him how he feels when he comes back from the high.

It often leans to them having some sleep and waking up to make love. Soft and slow, really loving.

The first time Shane had a drop while with Ryan, the man was so ready for it, it had a bad effect on him. It made him feel like if Ryan thought he was such a bad dom, he would have a drop sooner or later.

Once he calmed down and talked to Ryan, Shane apologized and tried his best to understand his sub also takes care of him, because this is a mutual thing.

He doesn’t drop often, can go actual years without one. But it’s a good thing he has such a prepared and sweet sub.

Ryan’s drop aren’t often either, but they were at the beginning. Shane is so good at taking care of him, it made Ryan realize he wanted to be with this man for the rest of his life.

Like the saps they are, they have a recurrent fantasy in which they are different people for their anniversary. Ryan is a dentist that just realized he is into men and doesn’t have many experience (lmao, college ‘come in me, bro’ frat Ryan has to laugh) and Shane is a lonely history professor with a kinky side.

They both know is the most vanilla shit in the world and YET, they love it so much, they are always excited about it as the day approaches.

It also always ends in them laughing in bed, an aftercare for the two of them that always has them in a good mood the next morning.

No matter how kinky they can get the night before, they always make sweet, sweet love in the morning the next day.

Punishments are such a thing with them because Ryan loves challenging Shane and sometimes he just wants to be treated hard. He loves the pain in a very different way from Shane.

There’s a lot of spanking to the point Ryan’s ass and thighs are bruised for days. The aftercare for these moments is always long and filled with a lot of love. 

But Shane’s punishment of choice is edging. In many, many ways. Pure torture as he has Ryan naked and tied to the bed or a chair, jerking him off to almost coming, then leaving without a single word. Blowing him, eating him out, fucking him, then leaving when he is almost there. 

Cock rings, plugs, bullet vibrators, vibrators with remote controlers– and Ryan loves all of it.

He would make Ryan walk with a vibrator up his ass for an entire week without letting him rub off one, he can’t come, can’t touch himself, and Shane is not touching him– but he is touching Shane. Of course, those are the most amazing Sundays ever. 

Sometimes Shane feels guilty, so Ryan always does his fucking best to remind him he wanted this and he is happy because of it, because Shane makes him happy.

Whipping is also a thing that happens, it drives Ryan crazy.

Lotsa marking and possessiveness during sex. Shane gets off so much on the idea that Ryan is his and he is Ryan’s, it’s a blessing Ryan feels the same way and is often begging to be his.

The way Ryan begs driver Shane crazy.

He would do anything for Ryan, so having him wanting to give hismelf like this, wanting Shane to have him, take care of him, love him whole and as he deserves? The Dream.

Shane is constantly calling Ryan sweet names. His favorites are baby, sweetheart and angel. 

Ryan is his “gorgeous angel”, and it sometimes play so good with their demon fantasy.

Once Ryan confesed he loved being called sweet names by Shane, he decided he would never stop.

Sometimes he would call him baby boy and prince.

When he calls Ryan ‘little guy’ or ‘little prince’, the man always reacts by moaning louder or melting against his chest, it’s amazing.

Ryan always refers to him as ‘sir’ and by his name during scenes. Sometimes he uses ‘Mr. Madej’ and when fitting, daddy.

The daddy kink thing was something that just happened.

When they talked about it, they ended up laughing so much, they realized it wasn’t really an issue.

None is into age play, though. Ryan just likes being called sweet things and taken care of, it just slips out of him.

When he is way too turned on, he switches from english to spanish, and spanish to english. So Shane is either called daddy or papi, and he loves both.

Doesn’t matter if they get old and rusty, being connected through this, loving each other like this, trusting each other like they do will always be an important and loving aspect of their relationship for both of them.

[wizardessheart-sideb]

The latest episode of the podcast is out! Although all the eps have built-in subtitles, I’ll now be sharing the videos with a transcription under the cut in case people live in areas where internet providers are pieces of shit.

HELLO Hello everyone, welcome to Royal Magic Academy Radio, a podcast about Wizardess Heart. I’m your host, Mari. It’s our 10th episode YAY!!!! Our next big milestone!!! It seems fitting we’re having a milestone when we’ve got a lot of cool stuff to discuss, so let’s get on with the show!

GAMING NEWS We got two new events this week. I was RIGHT, the next guy for the stories re-release event was Yukiya. The event’s called YukiyAmore and it’s a romance point slot. The stories being re-released are The Love Holiday, Flirting Time with Him, Flirting Time with Him and After, Heart-Pounding Moment in Bed, His Sweet n' Spicy Special Lesson, His Devilishly Sugary Kiss, and "Our Hands Stuck!" It’s running until June 8. The login bonus event, Detective Rex, also started. It’s going on until July 25 and the final prize is a CG so yay! That’s exciting. We also got a very interesting birthday event. Instead of a spin-off, we have a Randy-themed collection event! It’s called The Greatest Surprise -Randy’s Birthday- and I think it’s pretty cute! In addition to stories, we’re also getting CGs, one you can get with stars and the other is a ranking prize. But anyway, it’s going on until June 16, just as a heads up. 

SPECULATION So, we’re definitely going to be getting the CG part of YukiyAmore fairly soon. And if we’re still going in order of sequels, after YukiyAmore, we should be getting Vincent. However, I’m not really sure if we will. Vincent’s fallen from the most popular list and with the Happy Party Trainwreck his sequel was, I don’t know if Solmare’s gonna let him have a re-release event so soon. I mean, I def think he’ll get one, but considering he’s not as loved as he used to be, I dunno if he’ll be next, even though if we’re going by sequel line-up, he should be. Also while we’re on the subject of the re-releases, since the story line-up is the same for Yukiya and Klaus, I’m going to guess we aren’t going to get reruns of The Love Holiday, Flirting Time With Him, Heart-Pounding Moment in Bed, His Sweet n’ Spicy Special Lesson, His Devilishly Sugary Kiss, or “Our Hands Stuck!” because we’re getting the content through the rerelease events.Then, of course, Rex’s login bonus is a pretty strong hint that his route will be next. And now we have the biggest speculative piece of them all: Randy’s birthday event. Amelia’s birthday event back in late October was a collection event, but I have to say, I don’t think any of us were expecting a love option to get one of these. To be honest, I’m wondering if this is more or less a test from Solmare to gauge how we’d feel about birthday collection events for other dudes. Randy’s the fandom darling and if we approve of this kind of birthday event for a favorite, then it more or less indicates we’d be down for this for other dudes. Or maybe even multiple. After all, Ninja Shadow does their birthday events where multiple dudes are featured. Maybe we’ll get that for Wizardess. However, this event has stirred up the fandom a bit. 

WIZCOURSE You can’t have a Randy event without having wizcourse. I honest to God wish I were exaggerating, but it seems like every single time something with Randy happens, the fandom explodes. It happened with Bubbly Candy Randy, it happened with his sequel, and it’s happening now. So let’s chat. The fandom seems pretty mixed on this event. The main complaints boil down to:

Randy wasn’t given a spin-off like Klaus, Yukiya, and Elias. It’s even more unfair considering Klaus got a rerun AND a new spin-off.

One of Randy’s CGs is a ranking prize.

With the event stories, Randy essentially has to share his birthday with 6 other guys.

The items are ugly. Wig.

People who are content with the event generally agree on the following:

Randy’s getting a whole event to himself, and not many guys have gotten a collection event to themselves. Only Caesar had this. Nox didn’t play a huge part, or a part at all in some stories in Nightmare - The Phantom Thief, so that doesn’t count.

It’s something still pretty new, and people like the collection event format because it’s cheaper than a spin-off would have been or you know. They just like collection events.

They like the outfits and the aesthetic.

In my opinion, I’m totally fine with Randy getting a birthday collection event. I think the aesthetic is pretty good and I think it’s really cool Randy’s getting an event like this. Last time we had a Randy-themed event that wasn’t a route or sequel, it was a gold medal slot and a lot of people were angry because you had to whale to get those. To be honest, I think the collection event is great in part because it makes his birthday a lot more accessible. It’s true that you can buy stars, but for the most part, we’re getting a birthday for free. We don’t have to whale, we don’t have to use up all our Lune, or keys, or story tickets. I’ve gotten up to Azusa’s story in the event and they all balance the two guys well. No one is overshadowed. Randy isn’t overshadowed. Not to mention, as I said before, I think they might be testing us with this event and maybe in the future do this sort of thing for other guys. But I understand being upset because there’s no spin-off. Randy’s fans are incredibly passionate about him and I’m sure this feels like a blow to the head for them. And overall, as much as I love the idea of birthday collection events for love options, there’s really no way for anybody to win. If they did this with Klaus, the fandom would be outraged because Klaus gets a LOT of content. But with Randy, it’s a bummer he didn’t get a spin-off and if I’m being 100% honest, some of Randy’s fans have super high standards and always get upset when those lofty standards aren’t met. It’s not every Randy fan, of course, but let’s be real, when people are upset they get loud, and loud people are the most visible in fandoms, so even if it’s not the majority of Randy fans, it ultimately looks like it is. And of course, that sends the message to Solmare that we don’t like these events and no other dude is gonna have a chance at a birthday event like this. Although tbh, the only dudes I think could pull the collection event off are Yukiya and maybe Hiro, since they’re very beloved. But Yukiya’s birthday passed and Hiro’s isn't until like. November? Either way, this whole situation is hella messy and it sucks. We should all be happy and celebrating Randy’s birthday together, but this event’s unfortunately really stirred the pot.

DARLING OF THE MONTH But onto something happier: Darling of the Month! To be honest, I was very conflicted on who to make this month’s darling. Originally, I had planned for someone else, but then a week ago I remembered it’s Pride Month. And then once I remembered that, I had to decide between Amelia or Scarlett and that was an incredibly hard choice. But after a lot of thought, I’ve decided on one. So, this month’s Darling of the Month is Amelia Nile!

Amelia is just. Absolute bae. She’s so sweet and kind, and is honestly the best friend we all deserve. She’s funny, helpful, and so so so so generous. Amelia is honestly one of my favorite characters in Wizardess and I’m so happy our LGBT rep in the game is with such a wonderful person. Congratulations Amelia, you absolute Bicon.

CONCLUSION I knew I was gonna have a lot to talk about today, but this ended up being more than I originally anticipated. This was honestly an interesting week in the fandom, but hopefully next week, things quiet down. Let’s all just take a deep breath and keep moving forward. Next week, I’ll be coming back with a theory and I’ll be talking about Amelia’s spin-offs, since she doesn’t have a route for me to review. Thank you to everyone listening for reaching this milestone with me! I’ve been so busy that I haven’t been able to put anything special together for this and our past milestone, but I’m planning to do a special episode for our 15th episode. I’m still working on the details for that, though, so stay tuned for it. And that’ll do it for us this week! This is Mari, signing off.

[neurodivergentaf]

I could not stop my cursed brain from spouting the sheer amount of bullshit it loves to provide the public with on matters that I really don’t want to deal with but here we are!! Review of the movie Split (2017) by a person professionally diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I had to rewatch this crap on exam night so pay up anons and read under the cut. Warning for spoilers

I’m not going to be all “blah blah this is a horrible movie 1/5 stars” because let me be clear 2 u. This movie made me angry. This movie was also, from an objective standpoint, well done. I love psychological horror art, but as I weighed the pros and cons on the consequences that can arise from this movie existence, I can safely say Fuck All That. I know I missed a lot of details, but I didn’t want to waste time trying to explain the basics of DID and take up too much space on this post (lol failed).

Here is a half-assed review on Split by a sleep deprived college student messed up on about twenty different types of cold and flu medicine. Enjoy!

Accidentally watched on hulu the movie Split 2016. checked the genre halfway through and decided that the big fat ‘romantic comedy’ title probably meant it wasn’t the one i was looking for; proceeded to watch the actual Split movie via unsavory websites. i risked my life for this. the cops are coming any second to arrested me

Gave up and decided i didn’t want to ruin my night, so i watched John Mulaneyneyeney’s new movie on netflix. it was fantastic

Actual start of review:

I found it really interesting how the Buzzkill Girl protagonist was also shown to have experienced childhood trauma like Barry, yet the movie puts the antagonist as the only one with DID and homicidal tendencies. I think that a better way to have handled this was to also give the protag DID as a plot twist and to show that it really depends on the person, not the disorder itself. (But even if they had done that, there are still too many inaccuracies given about DID in the movie that are harmful to the community. I’ll explain more about that later.)

This woman looks EXACTLY like the therapist that also diagnosed me with DID. What the fuck. 5/5 stars for physical character accuracy 

“Nobody even believes that we exist!” Very true. Do you know how many people I know irl that I’ve told about my disorder to? 0. When was the last time you ever heard about DID on the news or in irl conversation? Exactly. We don’t feel like we really exist sometimes, because no one wants to even acknowledge it. Therapists would rather consider the most far-fetched ideas before even thinking about DID, because they are never really taught the skills on how to handle it or identify it. 

Some people with DID refer to themselves in plural form. Some don’t. Barry just happens to use the plural form, probably to remind the audience of his condition. Just wanted to point that out there.

“We always think of shattered people as ... less that us. What if they’re more?” I think that was a beautiful phrase. Really, I loved Dr. Fletcher’s quotes about DID and the way they wrote her. Too bad about pretty much everything else.

I was kinda “eh” about this part because alters don’t really talk out loud to each other; especially if we’re in a position where someone else can hear us, because we’re aware of how socially unacceptable it it. Usually conversations aren’t held with full sentences, most of the time it’s impressions of feelings or intentions. But Barry is shown whispering in a room alone, so I’ll accept it I guess

Oh yeah. This part. Fuck this part in particular. This doesn’t relate much to the DID topic as much as a transphobic one. They put the villain, a cannibalistic antagonist, in association with gender non-conformity and, by extension, trans women. Yeah. fuck that. On an actual DID note, differential genders between alters are pretty common, especially if you have 3+ alters.

I won’t post screenshots of it, but if you watch the movie it is obvious with it’s uncomfortable sexual displays of underage girls that it also associates DID with some form of perversion. This provides even more negativity towards people with DID when the fact of the matter is that people with DID are no more geared towards unethical actions than neurotypical people.

Some people with DID don’t see their alters as human, whether or not that comes from their trauma or as a type of coping mechanism. For me, I have a very scary looking alter that is that way as a defense system against the scary situations I’ve had to face. But that does not mean an alter is inherently violent.   

Child alters are also common because of the same reason listed above. DID is a disorder that manifests in childhood, and I have yet to meet a person with DID that does not have a child or child-like alter.

A side-effect of DID is memory loss, also called dissociative amensia. There have been cases where alters withheld information (usually traumatic events) from one another as a way to cope. DID is all about being able to function at the most optimal level when faced with persistent trauma, so missing information about daily life or important events are common.

*deep sigh* Okay...the skype call scene. Let’s do this shit. First off, I’m gonna have to call bullshit on how good the video in this looks. 1/5 stars for skype accuracy

This is pretty common with DID. It can present itself in different styles of writing or talking depending on the alter. Some alters are similar enough that this doesn’t really apply to them.

Uh, yeah, no. This is just straight up untrue. False. Nein. Ne. Doesn’t fucking happen. The only way I can kinda of see what she’s trying to say is if she’s focusing on the fact that an alter can be unaware of their own physical abilities and as such, can act in a limited way. But physically, we are not different. DID is not a developmental disorder. If the body was born with ADHD, then all the alters will have ADHD, even if the ADHD will manifest in different ways for the alters (e.g., one alter can focus a little more on a certain subject than another)

It ain’t that deep dude. I’m just trying to keep my cool when Melli eats all of my fucking york mint patties and Andrei has hidden my fucking keys in a fucking spot where I can’t fucking remember Andrei you piece of shit

I don’t understand what he is trying to say here. I think I’ve ever only heard of one incident where a person with DID could control when one of their alters can take over, and it wasn’t from a credible source. We can’t control who can front and who can’t. I use the word “front” in place of “the light” here because i have neverrrrrr heard any person with DID use that term.

It can be very hard to distinguish who is fronting and who is not. The person fronting can give an educated guess, but can’t be 100% certain because personalities always change and grow and can hide things about themselves that they don’t even recognize.

Ouch...that scene hit home for me. Internal conflicts are common and can lead to self-stigmatization within the group. There can even be cliques like ‘here are the bad alters’ and ‘here are the good alters.’ This happens because we are simply human. 

After more than an hour of rewatching Split i decided to stop because this post is getting too long and i want to focus on the more important issues of it instead of liveblogging. Also the small fact that my body has been trying to kill me via mucus in my lungs for 2 days straight.

Lets get one thing clear: “With DID patients, if they feel hostility or aggression they take it out on themselves with self-harm… They’re self-destructive and repeatedly suicidal, more so than any other psychological disorder. So that’s what’s typical – not this wild aggression, or stalking women [or robbery].” —  Dr Bethany Brand, on Billy Milligan and Multiple Personality Disorder (DID)

“But it could happen!” You can say. Yeah, sure. It could happen because of the simple fact it’s not entirely impossible that a person with DID could kidnap girls and be a cannibal. The issue is not that it’s not impossible, the issue is that This Is It. This movie is one of the very few that even reference DID, and it’s a horror movie with inaccurate information about the disorder. When was the last time you heard something positive about DID? When was the last time you came across accurate information about it without having to consciously search for it? This is it. The therapist tells us that DID is not evil, and then an hour later is murdered by her patient, which encourages the audience to disbelieve what she claimed. This movie tells people that we are inherently violent, perverse, dangerous, and it has taken the progress made to understand DID 10 steps back. Fuck this movie. We don’t deserve this. We’re not some parody to make money off of. We’re people who have had a ton of shit thrown at us to make us this way and now these people want to tell us that we’re monsters.

I wouldn’t be so prissy about this if there were 10,000+ good movies about DID and this just so happened to be the only bad one. I wouldn’t even be writing this review. Curse you, parallel dimension me, you lucky son of a bitch.

So. Yeah. Fuck this shit.

[shrunkyclunksbigbang-blog]

(i’ll leave my love) Between the Stars by Chicklette ART BY: Bear_shark

Steve never got the chance to meet his soulmate before he went into the ice. Now that he’s out, scientists have discovered a way to match you to your soulmate, called The Registry.The big question is, does Steve want to use it, and is it safe to give anyone a sample of Captain America’s DNA?

(You’re) The Magic In My Soul by CaliHart & cettevieestbien ART BY: Mypissedoffsandwich

A year after the Battle, Steve still finds himself adrift in the future. It isn’t easy connecting to his teammates, who do their best to crack his shell. During a night out he meets Bucky, who claims to be a friendly witch, as well as Steve’s soulmate. It takes some time for Steve to get used to the fact that magic exists, and that Bucky’s family is brimming with it.

One day Bucky and Steve find a dragon egg in the park. Unsettled, Bucky tells Steve not to touch it when they take it home–unable to resist, the egg hatches into a small, sun-colored dragon right in his hands. Now in the possession of an illegal baby dragon, they turn to Bucky’s grandma, who apparently has a whole life outside of family and the family’s magic shop. They soon discover that dragon eggs are being smuggled in the black market. It takes more than Steve expected to save the day.

helpless (i’m helpless) by Princessoftheworlds ART BY: TrishArgh

The Sokovian Accords were created right after the Battle of New York. It’s 2017, and the Avengers are stuck under the UN’s thumb. Captain Steve Rogers is mostly retired and doesn’t protest when Tony drags him out to a movie premiere. Out on the red carpet, he bumps into Oscar-nominated actor James Barnes and falls so hard that Tumblr and Twitter won’t stop shipping them.

It’s 2017, and the Winter Soldier can’t stand idly by while his city falls into ruins from the rampant crime, the Avengers made practically useless. He just doesn’t expect to run into Nomad in a back alley.

Or, a two-dimensional love story told in three parts. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

All That Is and Isn’t True by romanticalgirl ART BY: Mypissedoffsandwich

Steve meets and gets to know one of the chefs at Stark Tower. They’re pretty sure they’re perfect for each other, until a secret from the past comes to light. They have to figure out what’s true, what isn’t, and what matters to each of them. It’s not easy, but then, it wouldn’t be love if it was. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

You Make Me Feel… by kalika_999 ART BY: instagrims

All Steve wanted was to take a breather, decompress after a mission and go out for a jog in the rain. He wasn’t expecting to hide out in a bookstore filled with new and used books or that the employee that worked there thought he was an absolute loser and didn’t even realize he was insulting Captain America. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Call For a Good Time by Mypissedoffsandwich ART BY: Drowningbydegrees & Tyranttirade

Tony had probably been joking when he’d passed Steve the business card for a Phone Sex line. But Dammit, Steve was lonely and his neighbor had been driving him crazy for months.

Captain Cosplay by Ignisentis ART BY: alby_mangroves

James Barnes loves to cosplay as Captain America, and not just because he’s damn good at it, either. No, it’s the feeling he gets when he puts on the suit, the light in people’s eyes when they see him, the thrill of getting the details just right. It also helped him feel connected to New York after he moved back there for work. Well, cosplay and his landlord,Clint. So when Bucky gets an invitation to his dream cosplay event, hosted by none other than Tony Stark and judged by the Avengers themselves, he knows he has to pull out all the stops and make a new Cap cosplay: the elusive Stealth Suit. Clint turns out to be surprisingly resourceful in that endeavor, and Bucky’s more than pleased with how his cosplay turns out. As the day of the event dawns, he can only hope that Steve Rogers feels the same way. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Continuing Education by romanticalgirl ART BY: 743ish

Steve is invited to be a guest lecturer on the WWII unit for Bucky’s college course. Bucky’s more than happy to glean any extra knowledge (in more than just history) from Steve, and Steve’s happy to educate him. But then Bucky has to decide if he can handle the fact that Steve throws himself into danger, and if the sex is worth it. Or if it’s not just sex anymore. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

don’t quote the Wikipedia page by PolzkaDotz

Bucky Barnes is Steve Rogers’ (most commonly known as Nomad) boyfriend, but sometimes he kind of wishes he just… wasn’t.

Or

Bucky and Steve can see ghosts, one of the ghosts is a fan of Bucky, mischief happens and Bucky fucks it up royally for the entire world to see. Typical.

Great morning in the neighborhood by capsiclemycaptain

FANART

Hey, Asshole! A New York City Love story by bunnymaccool

Bucky’s running late for the bus and he’s stuck in line behind some ridiculous shoulder to waist ratio bastard who’s too busy flirting with the baristas to get his frickin’ order in. After he tells the dude off, completely in his rights he feels, the damn oversized puppy-faced ass keeps following him around and trying to apologize. And okay, dude is hot like burnin’, but Bucky just doesn’t have the time or patience for soothing the wounded ego of some gymrat wannabe with an obsession for dressing like he’s hiding from the mob and …. why are you laughing, Sam? TUMBLR MASTERPOST

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood by deepspaceprincess ART BY: esaael

When Steve moves in next door to Bucky and his family, it throws Bucky’s comfortable reality for a loop. Steve shakes up Bucky’s belief that he needs to dedicate his life to his family and Bucky’s family seems to think that’s good for him. As much as Bucky fights back against the pull he feels to Steve, he can’t win when his family is doing their best to push them together. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

It grew on me by Bear_shark ART BY: esaael

Steve Rogers isn’t good at taking care of himself. So when Tony and Natasha strong arm him into going to a fancy hair salon, he’s not expecting to like it. Enter barber Bucky Barnes. Soon Steve is trying different hairstyles and growing out a beard, anything to get Bucky’s hands on him a little more. Unfortunately, on the path to true love, sometimes fate (and Hydra) has other plans. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Just Dropkick The Shame by rohkeutta ART BY: Missprintrash

List of Stuff Bucky Shall Never Do: 1. Give up spider solitaire 2. Tweet TMI shit to celebrities 3. Get a fucking raise, it seems 4. Sleep with a coworker He HAS tweeted TMI shit about celebrities, but he also has some common sense and knows that some people actually read their replies, so he a) posts only on his private account and b) never tags. Bucky’s pretty sure that he’s not the only person to have drunk tweeted about Captain America’s daddy level, but at least he doesn’t fucking call Steve Rogers ‘daddy’ to his face. Until he kind of does, and breaks his fourth rule in the process.

Life of the Party by AggressiveWhenStartled

“You know, kids,” Steve heard from the backyard, “one of the most common threats a superhero has to face is inside an active volcano! We’re going to have to work on your evasion skills, so for the next five minutes, the floor is lava!” This was met by a sudden spike in both volume and pitch from the small children as they scrambled onto every raised surface they could find and immediately launched themselves right back off.

“I’ve never seen actual lava in my entire life,” Steve said, vaguely offended.

“You got a superhero impersonator for The Falcon’s niece’s birthday party,” Sam said, incredulous. “The Falcon, who is an actual superhero.”

Memories Turn Into Daydreams by StarSpangledBucky

When Bucky heard the rumours about Captain America, he took a risk. The dating profile had his name, his picture, even the bio was accurate. But with the amount of times Bucky had been catfished, he wasn’t sure. That is until on the day of the meeting, Steve Rogers himself comes into his life. It becomes as bittersweet as every love story should be… TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Movie Barnes by SMDarling

While catching up on 21st Century pop culture, Steve hears about Blockbuster but misses the memo that it no longer exists. When he goes looking, he finds a video rental store run by Bucky Barnes, back from war missing an arm, with PTSD from his time as a POW, and unwilling to accept how much the world moved on without him. He used his combat pay to buy up an old Blockbuster building, full of old VHS rentals, moved in upstairs, and now “runs” a not-very-popular business, supplemented by his VA benefits and repairing electronics (specializing in VHS players). It’s a quiet life for Bucky, with only his movies to keep him company, until Steve shows up, confused and just as lost in the 21st Century as Bucky once felt. Bucky agrees to show Steve what he missed, and somewhere along the way, Steve returns the favor. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

No Rest by Luckybuckyboy ART BY: Mypissedoffsandwich

Steve is pulled from the ice, angry and tired and wishing he was dead. He is sent to the Retreat with Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. James Barnes to recover. Steve doesn’t want to be there in the cabin and also in the future, but the more he gets to know James, the more he’s not sure he wants to leave.

old situations (new complications) by ChibiSquirt ART BY: Drowningbydegrees

A soulmate AU where your soulmark is the first thing your soulmate thinks when they meet you. Bucky is a normal, Level Six SHIELD agent who stumbles into a time machine while on a mission. When he travels back sixty-four years and lands ass-up on the wartime desk of one Agent Carter, his soulmark—“Who’s that with Peggy?”—goes from fairly distinctive, as thoughts go, to maddeningly common.

The Weight We Carry by Queerily_kai

Bucky agreed to go to the PTSD support group at the VA, but he never agreed to stand up and talk. Things start to change the day Steve talks to him.

What’s The Sitch? by urbanconstellations

“A day where Bucky Barnes wasn’t thrown into some kind of insane, life threatening situation was an unusual one. He’d gotten used to the constant rush of adrenaline in his ears, and the way his focus sharpened in line with his goal. This wasn’t normal for someone in his line of work, but he couldn’t quite seem to break the habit.” Bucky Barnes is a war veteran/perpetually exhausted nurse who happens to think Doctor Steven Carter is super duper hot. Bucky Barnes is also in the habit of heroically running into burning buildings to help people. He can’t really help it at this point. When Bucky runs into Captain America himself for the first time, he has no idea how close the guy might really be. Steve Rogers wants nothing more than to have life that’s as normal as possible, and maybe get up the nerve to ask that cute nurse, Bucky out. He’s finally using his medical degree for something, as well as stopping the occasional terrorist when SHIELD asks. He’s changed his name and always wears the cowl when fighting, but a certain nurse might ruin the whole cover. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Where All Roads Lead by DrowningByDegrees ART BY: alby_mangroves

When Steve Rogers inadvertently touches a relic in the course of a mission gone sideways during WWII, he’s catapulted seventy years into the future. Before he’s even sure where he’s ended up, his search for help puts him in contact with Bucky Barnes, a historian and college professor who has built a career around studying Captain America. With Bucky’s help, Steve means to find out how exactly he ended up in 2017, and solve the bigger mystery of how to get home. There’s just one problem. The closer they get to their goal, the less certain Steve is that he wants to go home. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Opportunity Cost by detour ART BY: ChibiSquirt

It’s hard for killers to start over. But Buck comes to New York with a new name, a new identity, and and plans to discover who he is. It should be easy to be Buck the average worker, meeting this guy Steve to talk about baseball, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Between the secrets and the ghosts from his past following him around the city, it’s bound to get messy. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

The Passionate Gardener by velvetjinx ART BY: esaael

Bucky is feeling burned out by a string of unsuccessful dates, and would much rather just spend his time among his plants. Enter one mysterious red headed customer who wants to set Bucky up with her friend. Little does he know that his agreement will lead to an encounter with… the world’s least likely Angry Birds enthusiast? TUMBLR MASTERPOST

The Purrfect Brew by Florianna ART BY: Queerily_kai

Meet Bucky Barnes, reluctant owner of the café Purrfect Brew, in Brooklyn, where clients can get their fills of books, coffee and cats who are too smart for their own good. His life is quiet and that’s the way he likes it, until aliens hit Manhattan. Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, has been in the 21rst century for two weeks when aliens hit Manhattan. He’s not sure what to do with himself afterwards and is half considering the offer to work with SHIELD. Bruce, recognizing a lost soul, drags him to his favourite quiet place, the Purrfect Brew. Steve, being intrigued by the quiet barista and his sisters, come back often by himself, determined to learn more about the Barnes family, mostly Bucky. And when the past comes back, somehow it’s still not as bad as it could have been.

The Rainbow by anice_1 ART BY: Brooklyn-bisexual

Bucky Barnes’ job as a nurse on the children’s ward is demanding, but he loves it. What he’s not so fond of? Obnoxious celebriities trying to use sick children to boost their own public image. So naturally Bucky isn’t exactly thrilled when Captain America himself, camera team in tow, is announced for a visit to the hospital. Maybe though, just maybe, not all celebrities are self-centered assholes after all? TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Relationship Goals: Have a Relationship by cleo4u2, xantissa ART BY: Fannishlove

When Bucky gets a message from an unknown number, he never expects it to lead him on an exciting journey filled with naked pics, hot sexting and surprise flights over Manhattan with Iron Man himself.

The Roommate by Niitza ART BY: layersofsilence

In which Steven G. Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, gets a roommate. Who rapidly turns into his “roommate"—in the euphemistic sense of the word. It takes SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers an absurd amount of time to notice. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Salt by littleblackfox ART BY: Chibisquirt

The cinnamon roll is gone in four bites. Four indecent, jaw-unhinging bites, and Steve sucks the last traces of lemon and icing from his fingers with a low, throaty sound of satisfaction. He glances up at Bucky, who is leaning against the counter and watching him with avid fascination. “Um…” Steve says around his index finger. There’s still a little icing on the bed of his fingernail, and he stops trying to work it off with his tongue. “You know those movies where the girl eats an eclair or something, and it’s really, like, sexually charged?” Bucky asks. Steve pulls his finger out of his mouth. He’s never seen that kind of movie, but the thought of Bucky eating an eclair is certainly… well, it lingers. “Uh?” “Yeah, well that was the exact opposite.” Steve scowls, and Bucky cackles gleefully. “You are something else, Steve.”

say you’ll bee mine by deceptivesoldier, obsessivereader, talkplaylove

When Steve glances over at Hot Guy again, Hot Guy catches his eye and gives him a tentative smile. Steve’s brain shuts down and he looks away. But the serum gave him great vision, so out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hot Guy stand up, take two steps, get his foot caught in a backpack strap, trip, and fall down. Steve’s out of his chair and next to Hot Guy before he even has time to think. “Oh my God, Hot Guy! Are you okay?” His hearing is sensitive enough to pick out Sam’s whispered “Did you just call Hot Guy ‘Hot Guy’?” at the same time as he realizes what he just said. Hot Guy blinks up at him from the floor, probably too confused to stand up. “Did you just call me ‘Hot Guy’?” TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Shared Life Experience by assemblingbrokenmemories ART BY: DrowningByDegrees

When Principal Morita offers Bucky the chance of having Captain America come into his classroom as a guest, he is over the moon. As a history teacher and an enthusiast when it comes to the story of the national icon, it was a dream come true. What he didn’t expect was the ridiculous PSAs, inappropriate laughter, and the burgeoning chance at something more. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Sorry, Not Sorry by SoftObsidian74 ART BY: DrowningByDegrees & The_She_Devil

All Steve Rogers ever wanted was to do what’s right. So when he drops in to volunteer at the Brooklyn VA Outpatient Center, he’s surprised to learn some veterans actually resent Captain America and everything he represents. One veteran in particular is determined to make sure Steve understands just how much he dislikes him. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

The Stars Crossed Right by cettevieestbien ART BY: everybodyhateselliot

Steve returns from the bathroom as soon as Bucky’s eyes close. “Buck!” He groans. “Nope. I’m going back to bed. Nope.” “Bucky.” “No.” “We’re going to be late.” “To what?” “Your surprise.” Steve waits for Bucky to move, gives up after a moment. Then, like an asshole, he settles his tiny ass on Bucky’s hips and fucking tickles him. “Goddammit, Steve,” Bucky nearly shrieks. He opens his eyes wide and pushes at Steve’s massive shoulders. “Off, off.” Steve relents, but doesn’t get off — apparently, it’s just too funny. He drops so they’re chest to chest, laughing so hard he’s making them both shake with it. “Stevie,” Bucky complains, but he’s smiling wide enough for it to hurt. It doesn’t quite hit the intended mark. – A fic spanning from April 10th, 2011 to August 21st, 2016. Read as Bucky and Steve encounter relationship woes, superhero-dom, cute animals named after beloved characters, Bucky’s hilarious family, tragedy, and the Accords. Not necessarily in that order. (Written for the 2018 Shrunkyclunks Bang!)

The Station by Queerily_kai ART BY: krycekasks

Bucky is a professional climber and writer trying to finish an article. Steve is trying to avoid the Avengers tower and team needing a break from it all. Despite recognizing Steve as Captain America from the start, Bucky ignores his superhero identity, and finds himself falling for Steve Rogers, the human. Steve is happy to forget about his public persona, and gets to be himself again, having his first friend since waking from the ice two years previously, and then the first boyfriend who doesn’t have to be a secret. Everything changes in the Alps when Bucky’ team is caught in an avalanche, and he ends up in a world he never expected.

Sunlight on Still Waters by sparkly_butthole ART BY:  cobaltmoony

Steve Rogers lives in a broken-down building in Brooklyn, shops at Whole Foods, and plays Captain America as necessary, adjusting to the twenty-first century as well as can be expected. He’s not looking for a sub, not actively, but when he stumbles - literally - upon his neighbor Bucky Barnes, that old spark lights up once more. But things have changed since Steve went into the ice. Society’s gone forwards in many ways, but not all, not by a longshot. And soon enough, he’ll have to play a hero of a different kind.

Technicolor by starmaki, themirrordarkly ART BY:  layersofsilence

Bucky Barnes has been cast as Captain America in an up and coming film. In researching the part, Bucky comes face to face with the living legend over a sushi lunch. Steve is uncomfortable about his life being portrayed on the silver screen. But it is part of the course of being famous and an icon. Meeting the actor who is to portray him, Steve is both annoyed and intrigued by the man. One meeting should have been enough, but Steve keeps finding excuses to see him again. All to help with the movie, he keeps telling himself. Steve was such a bad liar. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

Thank You For Calling by MarleyMortis ART BY: The_She_Devil

“Thank you for calling Superhuman Disaster Insurance; this is Bucky Barnes speaking. How can I help you?” Wherein Bucky Barnes, frustrated millennial, helps clean up after messes made by superhumans, stumbles upon a plot to ruin a non-profit charity, finds out his leukemia is back, and absolutely does not have a thing for Captain America’s smile. Probably.

Use Your Agency by romanticalgirl ART BY: Taste_is_sweet

Bucky is given the assignment (punishment) of being the agent whose job it is to integrate the newly-thawed Captain America into life in a new century. Only maybe it’s not so bad. Because Bucky ends up dealing with Steve Rogers, who is nothing like the Captain America in Bucky’s history books. From coming out of the ice through AoU. TUMBLR MASTERPOST

To Catch a Soul by layersofsilence ART BY: DrowningByDegrees

When Steve Rogers pilots the Valkyrie into the cold waters of the English Channel, he expects to die. He doesn’t expect to wake up on a beach, he doesn’t expect to bump into the wireless operator he’d talked to on the way down, and he certainly doesn’t expect to like Bucky as much as he does. But, according to the angel now following him around, it turns out that Steve had been supposed to die, on that fateful morning. And to stay on Earth – to stay with Bucky – Steve faces what is, quite literally, the fight of his life.

True Lord of the Dance by QueenoftheRandomWord42 ART BY: Thunderboltsortofpenny

Honestly, Steve never expected to have a moment in his friendship with Howard Stark that he’d regret. “…but It’s easy to get distracted by the big picture, so remember to stop and treat yourself to a nice dance from time to time.” Howard read aloud, then he paused, “Wait, is the fourth of July really your birthday?” “Yes, yes Howard, it is.” Steve laughed. “And I’ve seen one of your shows, you’re a real lord of the dance.” Howard rolled his eyes at that with a bit of a laugh. “Laugh it up Howard.” Steve muttered. But when a sarcastic comment gets taken out of context, and Steve wakes up in the 21st Century with a sudden dancing reputation and Steve is expected to perform, he’s gotta learn to dance. Learning to dance proves to be challenging, but it might be made easier by a classmate of his who answers to the name Bucky.

Walk, Walk, Fashion Baby by sunrow ART BY: Bear_shark

Tony, fed up with Steve’s utterly dull wardrobe, drags him to a fashion show in an effort to show him some more stylish options. But it’s not the clothes that catch Steve’s eye, and instead a gorgeous male model named Bucky. As luck would have it, not only does Bucky openly flirt with Steve, much to Tony’s amusement, but he also agrees to be Steve’s personal stylist. It would be perfect, if only Steve could get over his awkwardness and just ask Bucky out already.

[haunting-kind-of-high]

Deadly Sins as Sides AU

A few weeks ago, I had a thought about how the seven deadly sins would act as dark sides. And after ages and ages of research (I'm not kidding you I spent so much time on this it's insane), here we have it! It's not fully complete, as I couldn't think of everything perfectly, but there are ideas (: 

I might continue this, but that depends on my ideas for it

(Also note: I haven't double checked every link or just everything in general, so there might be a few mistakes or weird things but just… go with it)

Tag list: @imin-loveanon, @musicphanpie-b, @mikey-girl12

Pride

Of course, most of us know him as dark!Roman

Which is cool

It would still work

But for this AU I’m gonna assume he’s his own side just because it’s convenient

The fanon outfit people have made for him would still work

With a black shirt and I think golden sash

He is a prince, because that can easily be linked to pride

Though maybe a king would fit him better?

Cause obviously he is better than anyone else

So he’s got to be the king

Arrogant motherfucker

He also embodies vanity, so vain as fuck

Narcissist

Thinks he is better than the rest and acts like it

Clashes a lot with the other sides because he’s always fife thousand times more important than any of them combined

He only looks at what is best for him and doesn’t think past that

No one likes the guy

You don’t want to upset him though

He’s one of the worst of the dark sides

You want to be on his good side cause he is not scared to hurt you

His name could be Belial, or something similar, from the demon of arrogance and pride, Belial

He could be considered the leader of the dark sides, as Belial is mentioned as the leader of the Sons of Darkness, on one of the Dead Sea Scrolls

So there is the role of king again

Also, Dante believed all other sins were derived from pride, so that matches up with Pride being the leader too

Belial is also described as Prince of Darkness, or King of Evil, which would fit with a royal outfit pretty well

I also saw a site which named Lucifer as a demon for Pride which intrigued me a lot and offers a lot of perspective

Even more interesting would be Roman turning into Pride, which would make for a lot of opportunities to refer to the Lucifer story and use symbolism

Might get into that later, this is not the post for that

Yeah I really like the name Lucifer for him, though Belial is also fancy idk

His room probably has a bunch of mirrors

And one of those desks with a mirror where you can do your make-up and stuff, I forgot the word for it

Is it a vanity?

I also thought of this picture and felt like it belonged here. Though idk what to do with it.

Lots of violet details, as that colour seems to symbolise pride

Greed

All he wants in life is for Thomas to get rich, really

So obviously he supports this whole YouTube thing because that can get them a lot of money

He isn’t really a harmful dude

Less harmful than most of the dark sides

Chaotic neutral, probably

He just wants what he wants and it doesn’t matter what it takes to achieve it

He sides with anyone, as long as it benefits him

The demon associated with greed is Mammon

So his name could be either based on that, or it could be Midas

Random sidenote: the list I’m using for this, calls these demons the Princes of Hell, which is pretty fun

But back to the point

He can get along with most of the sides pretty well, though he stays away from Wrath and Pride if he can 

His outfit consists of a black blazer with a pattern of golden roses (referring to the myth of King Midas), a necklace with a pendant of a silver pipe (reference to a Native American legend about greed), a white shirt (the black and white being another reference to King Midas), and black trousers

Lots of gold and silver stuff in his room as well 

I picture his room would be similar to a vault or something

With lots of valuables

Probably every price Thomas has won too

Not because he values them so much emotionally, but because they are worth quite a lot

I can’t find the post any more, but I once saw this theory of there being exactly one (1) dollar in the mindscape

Greed definitely created the dollar

He’s upset it was stolen from him

So he made a lot of dollars which he hid from the others

They’re his dollars your heathens

Lust (a big thank you to @purple-plaid-patches for helping me out with this dude’s outfit!)

Depicts all and any kind of lust

Demon of Lust is called Asmodeus

There are so many stories about lust yet I can’t find a single one that has a personification of Lust, that is homophobia

I read that the snake symbolises lust

So I picture Deceit and Lust would get along pretty well

He also likes it when the other sides get in trouble because it’s fun

Especially if Pride and Wrath are the angry ones

A hint of sadist

But Patton dulls out most of his influence, being Morality and enjoying people being in pain is b a d

Patton’s influence slips sometimes tho

Like when Thomas is watching those home video things and people slip or get hurt in another way

Cause let’s be real

That’s kinda funny

Notorious invader of personal space

It’s funny to see how the others get uncomfortable when he does it

Likes making people uncomfortable in general

Not a fun dude to be around

He’s not as dangerous as Pride or Wrath though

He is just very annoying and is almost guaranteed to make you uncomfortable

He likes to watch people get hurt but it’s so much effort to do it himself

So he’s not a huge threat to your safety

Just to your personal space

His outfit is great, thanks to @purple-plaid-patches

It’s a crop top, dark blue with gold accents

This skirt but dark blue

These things but in gold

Choker but with like… sapphires

Also this anklet

I honestly don’t know what to do with his room so go crazy on that

His name could be Phillip

Cause I found this Native American legend about a woman gaining an obsession with horses (I mean… this was in the category for lust so I’m using this)

And Phillip means horse

Might be a little far-fetched, but I searched so long for symbolism and this is the closest I could get why couldn’t I find more personifications or symbols of Lust 

Envy

He often works with Pride on stuff because they both want Thomas to be as famous and successful as he can be obviously

Greed as well, probably

Looks at the achievements of others and gets jealous of everything they possess, everything they have achieved

So he works together with the other sides to try and top those others

Actually, now that I think of it, he would probably work together with most of the sides if it benefits him

He is also pretty close to Deceit

Because envy often leads people to deceive another in one way or another

Think of Iago in Othello

If Deceit and Envy would ever fuse, they would form an Iago istg

(Shit could you imagine tho? That would be so cool)

Like most of the dark sides, he doesn’t really care about the overall picture, he just really wants to do what makes him happiest

His basic outfit is a simple green shirt and jeans

But he changes his outfit all the time, depending on what he desires most at that time so no one really knows his actual outfit

His room is cold and dark, much like Envy’s home in Ovid’s Metamorphoses

It’s not very pretty

His name is Levi, from Leviathan, the demon of envy

I also like his name being similar to Aglauros somehow, because in Ovid’s Metamorphoses, a girl named Aglauros is corrupted by Envy, but I don’t know a name that could fit

Gluttony

For this, I am using this quote I found from Thomas Aquinas

“Gluttony denotes, not any desire of eating and drinking, but an inordinate desire...leaving the order of reason, wherein the good of moral virtue consists.”

I assume that the ‘…’ implies a bit if left out, but for some reason I can’t find the full quote, so I’m not totally sure

But from what I read here, is that Gluttony basically encompasses everything

This site described it as excessive materialism, which is a pretty good explanation I guess

So basically he wants Thomas to get everything in existence

“Oh look at that! You should buy this thing because you might be able to use it one time and then forget about it! And even if you can't use it, you will have it.”

Greed probably likes him, even though Greed is more about having things just to have it and never use them, while Gluttony wants things to use them

But they both want things

He secretly loves Patton’s room because he holds on to pretty much everything, and Gluttony loves going through those old things

But he will never admit it

Loves his foods

He’s the voice in Thomas’ head telling him eat pizza all the time

Logan has a hard time countering him sometimes

At the same time, he also wants Thomas to try all kinds of different food because he needs to taste it all

Very confusing side

Demon of gluttony is Beelzebub

There’s a fun fact for y’all

I was going to suggest Logan for a name because of Wolverine (the Dutch name for a wolverine is pretty close to what you’d call a glutton and I liked the idea)

But then I realised that there already is a Logan

But James could work too

His room would probably have a lot of storage space

Cupboards, shelves, closets

that's all I've got, can't think of anything else

His outfit is an oversized shirt (orange, cause that stands for gluttony) with grey sweatpants

Wrath (warning for mention of dismemberment, in the final bullet point)

Most dangerous of the sides

Obviously, he’s a hot-tempered guy

Gets very upset very quickly

His influence on Thomas is mostly dulled by other sides, though

Especially Patton, who handles most of the emotions anyways

Doesn’t mean the guy doesn’t get very upset

If you thought Pride was bad, oh boy, Wrath is worse

You really don’t want to upset him either

Very vengeful

Satan is often depicted as the demon of Wrath so there’s a connection

I feel like he would be the most violent of all the sides

Probably has a bunch of weapons himself

The other sides stay away from him if they can

His outfit is an all-black ensemble with a dark red cape

I don’t know why but I feel like he would be extra enough to have a fucking cape

It’s like one of those capes with a high collar that are Extratm and slightly creepy because only villains appear to be wearing them

His name is Elliot, after one of the Batman villains called Wrath

In reference to his name, his room would look like a stereotypical villain lair

Lots of dark

Dark walls, dark furniture

It’s just a place where he can escape to

Sorta like a dungeon

I also like the idea of there being a lot of silver details idk why

It’s a pretty creepy place and no one ever goes in unless they have a very good reason to

When thinking about this, I immediately pictured him having a throne, I don’t know why

But he definitely has a throne

It’s decorated with black roses, spiralling up from the legs all the way to the top (they have lots of thorns obviously)

Also across the arm rests and stuff

I also read that the punishment for wrath (I am assuming it is in Dante's Inferno, but the site didn’t specify) is constant dismemberment, so I like the idea of him just… cutting of a hand or foot if someone irritates him?

Cause that’s pretty ironic

Sloth

Obviously, he is the laziest side

Just wants to sleep constantly

He doesn’t understand the point of trying to achieve big goals when you can just fucking sleep

Most of the dark sides don’t understand him

A true chaotic neutral

He is chaotic, both in the literal sense and the sense of the alignment chart

The demon of sloth is Belphegor

His name could be Roderick, which is incredibly fancy for a side like him but

Hear me out, I like my reasoning

Machiavelli wrote a novella called Belfagor, about (you guessed it) Belphegor

He was sent to Earth for some mission and used Roderigo as a name when posing as a human

So yeah

Roderick

His name could also be Rick tho

Maybe his name is Roderick but he hates it so everyone calls him Rick

If that were the case, he would constantly make Never Gonna Give You Up jokes

Wrath got so sick of it that he threatened to kill Sloth over it, so now he makes sure Wrath is nowhere near before making the joke

Lust secretly wants to tell Wrath about it every time Sloth makes a joke like that again, because he’d like to see Sloth getting in trouble

His outfit is a light blue pyjama with little sheep on it, you know the one (because light blue symbolises sloth)

He also has a necklace with a goat he always wears (also a symbol for sloth)

His room is a mess cause he never bothers to clean it

It’s just Thomas’ room but

A million times messier

Also the reason that Thomas keeps procrastinating things, because “why do it when you can just sleep and… not do it?”

In Dante’s Inferno, the punishment for sloth is a snake pit

So where Envy gets along with Deceit pretty well, Sloth can’t stand being around Deceit

He just makes him very uncomfortable 

 Deceit

@musicphanpie-b showed me this site

The important thing here is “Of course, the seven deadly sins cover mostly MOTIVATIONS to do things. If you were not compelled by anger, greed, arrogance, lust, envy, gluttony or laziness, there wouldn't be much to make you deceive someone.”

So basically, he works together with the other dark sides

He manipulates them into getting to do what he wants

He knows what the other sides value the most, so obviously, he abuses this knowledge

Sneaky snake 

[iphoenixrising]

I can't stop thinking about your Dr!Tim verse (This isnt a prompt btw, I just wanted you to know that Ive been thinking about your writing and how much its inspired me. Sorry for how long this is). I keep imagining the man on the bridge being the hot topic on every news station and paper, even more than Batman and Robin. Everyone wants to know who he is. Is he ok? Did he give his life saving his fellow Gotham citizens? There are a lot of questions

(2)and few answers. Those in the loop are more than content to leave it that way,but somehow it gets leaked that Gothams new hero is a young prodigy doctor atGotham General. Tim is not made aware of this until he gets mobbed by reportersas he’s leaving his 36 hour shift and getting asked a lot of innapropriatepersonal questions. And it’s not nearly as funny as you seem to think it is,Jason.

(3)Of course his boyfriends quickly stop finding the situation funny once the joboffers from all over the world start rolling in. Dozens of them, all offeringthings like millions of dollars in salary, positions like chief of surgery, allin state of the art hospitals that are properly funded and don’t reside incities with crazy clown attacks. And it hurts because, how could they ask himto stay? How could they ask their genius sugar to tie himself down to a city

(4)that chews everyone in it up and spits them out, to be a doctor in a hospitalbarely scraping by, how could they ask their genius boy to refuse a once in alifetime opportunity to escape this shithole of a city and make something bigof himself, all to stay with two vigilantes who cant guarantee they’ll make ithome each night. They couldn’t do it, they want whats best for their boy, evenif it means he leaves them. They can’t ask him to stay.

(5)Damian of course has no such qualms about blackmailing, er requesting Drakestay in the city, and subsequently with his older brothers (Because if he hurtsthem, Damian will hurt Tim twice as bad). Which leads to a very awkwardconversation in which Damian threatens Tim not to leave, Tim is confusedbecause “who said anything about leaving?” And then they have a heartto heart about how Tim isn’t stuck at Gotham general, he chose that hospital.And that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

**

So, hi babe :D  Iknow this has been sitting in my inbox for a minute, sorry >.

Brilliant, babe. Justbrilliant.

I also get to play withanother back-and-forth I haven’t really gotten to yet in these little things,so I’m super excited for B and Tony Stark to just have a little snark-fest,yeah?  

**

Tony showed up a fewweeks early for his quarterly “visit��� to Gotham.

It’s disconcertingbecause Tony Stark goes between creating new innovations to privatelyconsulting around the US on the most dire of cases in need of a precise handand large enough ego to make miracles happen. He might have to do somebookkeeping even though Pepper is his CEO and runs his company with iron heels. When he’s not working, he has a nice relationship waiting for himat home.

All of it didn’t leaveTony much time to be running to Gotham before schedule to do someridiculous amount of pouting.

And yet?

Here they are.

When Tim actually getsto turn away from the stack of charts he’s updating, he has an oh shitmoment because Tony…isn’t immediately talking. No white coat, just asnazzy three-piece, arms crossed over his chest, and utterly

Silent.

Tim automaticallystands, taking in his old mentor from head to foot, looking for clues toadd to the inevitable diagnosis hovering in his brain pan.

(Because, you know, thattime when he was still a lowly bachelor and could take a month off of Mercy topretty much live in Tony’s facility while things like brain tumors threatenedhis Tony Stark’s life. His hands didn’t shake the whole time he was rootingaround that famous mound of grey matter–that’s when he knew he’d hit the bigleagues.)

“If you even think,”Tony starts, low and angry, “of taking the offer from UCLA over mine, Iwill be an even bigger asshole about your terrible life choices.”

Oh.

Oh shit.

Word has apparently gottenaround.

It started out with aquick blurb on the news, blurry camera phone picture of emergency workers andplain clothes civilians jumping to action in the middle of a crisis, a humaninterest story and all that. A glimmer of goodness among the chaos.

More picture with betterquality once the shock and aftermath died down, started to flood Social Media,even various videos of cables snapping and people running, trying not to gettrampled. One the media latched onto just happened to be of him carrying thelittle girl from the car and helping her mother up in the back of a truck tosend them to safety.

The one with himbreaking through the fallen debris made Dick gasp from the table where he waspatching his suit and Jay wrap a big hand around his ankle to squeeze.

The one where he almostlost his grip climbing the wall of broken shit and flaming car remains isprobably where someone saw the connection because the class of kids went on thenews, holding up colorful signs with Thank-You, Dr. Drake!

He was happy they allseemed fine and after an uncomfortable call from Channel 11 Gotham (howthey found out his name is still a mystery even though he suspects B is an evenbigger troll than he’d already surmised), in which he stipulated nocameras this time, went by the elementary school for a visit. They gripped hisnerd shirt with excited hands, and his arms are long enough for a lot ofhugs.

But while Channel 11agreed to his term of no cameras, no interviews, that didn’t really panout when it came to the story later on that night.

His picture flashed allover the damn place, the resident angel on the bridge as one Dr. Drakefrom Mercy General trying to save as many lives as he could. More video clipsand interviews after the fact (he’s so glad to see that Karmen and her mom areokay), and dammit, he’s being literally attacked outside thedouble doors to his ER after a very long shift without Steph. He mighthave been a little mean when he told them in no specific terms that he was onlytrying to make sure people didn’t, you know, die horribly, as is hisnormal, every-day job, and please let him go home where he can pass outfor a day or he’s going to lie down on someone’s shoes and take a nap.

Jay was predictablyentertained at the whole of it. Dick merely told him his kick-ass doctorinstincts deserved appropriate accolades.

Both of them areassholes, but still, they’re his assholes.

But eventually, likeeverything in Gotham, those videos became old news and the next wave ofinevitable oh shit became front and center. Which, should have meant hisfifteen seconds of fame was pretty much over (thankfully)–if he hadn’tstarted getting other interest.

Several offers startedcoming first by mail to the Penthouse, more by phone and email. Unassumingproper stationary with silver and gold lettering, bright voicemails about his“heroism” and obvious skill in emergency situations, emails from high-rankingdoctors or board members extending an invitation to visit their campus and seeif his career might be going in a new direction.

(Gag)

It was pretty easy atfirst, chucking those finely detailed introduction letters in the trashdiscreetly, sending back appreciative declines without Dick or Jason gettingwise as to how many there actually were.

(John Hopkinsthough…that one he had to think about)

A month later and thingsslacked off (or might be routed through Drake Industries so they stop coming tothe Penthouse). Apparently, though, the attention had been somewhat noticeable.

“I don’t know what youmay have heard, Tony, but–” he starts out calmly, putting the penpointedly down.

“Let me start with the shortlist,” it’s the usual sarcasm laying the mood, mimicking an imaginarychecklist, “John Hopkins, Department Head of Emergency Medicine. Mayo, General Surgery Residency Program Director. MassachusettsGeneral, Chief of Surgery. UCSF, Chief of Residents. UCLA, Chief of Staff.Cedars-Sinai, Neuroscience research grants out the ass. Sound morefamiliar?”

Well, there’s only oneway to get this conversation started.

Bonding over coffee.

Gathering up hischarts with a sigh, Tim shakes his head a little and grabs the cane he’s beenusing since his leg is finally starting to get with it (and no Steph,the House MD jokes were funny a week ago, now you need new material). Heshoos Tony out of the room and down the corridor to the chaos that is his ER.

“Notice I didn’tmention the very generous and consistent offer from StarkMedical, Tim,” because Tony really has nothing to be mad about per sayand falls in step beside him anyway, slowing down his unusually fast strides toaccount for the limp. “Because I’m not here to smooze.”

He pauses at the maindesk to arrange the charts in order, gets the approving nod from his favoriteHead Nurse.

“There’s story behindthis,” he fills in casually, “it’s more complicated than just–”

“You almost died,”Tony interrupts smoothly, “on a bridge. You ran around on a crumbling bridgeinstead of getting people the hell off while you got the hell off. Halfthe nation saw that guy with the crazy bat fetish catch someone out in openwater wearing purple scrubs, Tim.”

Well, none of that isa lie really.

Hands free, Tim gripsTony’s elbow and steers them pointedly into the break room, closes the door.With Dr. Stark roaming around Mercy, most everyone would stay clear unless somecatastrophe hits anyway.

He lets Tony stew fora few minutes while he makes a fresh pot of coffee and thinks very, very hardabout how this is going to go.

“You were worriedabout me,” Tim finally gives a half-grin in the face of Tony’s nope, andputs a fresh paper cup in his hand, “you can bluster all you want, but you wereworried, and I appreciate it.”

“That is absolute crapand you know it. I’m here to make sure no other hospitals or researchfacilities snatch you up, Drake. Not after all the effort I put into you overthe last few years.”

Sure, Tony. “The bridge. I survived. A lot of otherpeople survived, so you can ignore whatever crap the news stations aresaying–”

“All of it is true.You stupidly risked your life when the structural integrity was compromised,and since it just happened to involve that wing-nut in the cape, thenation is going to pay the fuck attention.”

Which is probably whyhe’s suddenly Mr. Popular in his field. Well, that does answer some questions.

“You’re taking thisout of proportion,” even if it’s fruitless, he’s still going to try,“there really haven’t been that many–”

“Twenty of the topfacilities in the world have made offers that would put this place to shame.Three of your last publications have shown up in recent journals. The nextsymposium you’re supposed to be at is already sold out.”

And well, shit.He…he didn’t know all of that.

“Besides, if I wasblowing it out of proportion, we wouldn’t be talking about it in thedeserted break room, Drake.”

Tim groans out loud,rubbing a tired hand down his face. How is he going to explain without soundinglike a complete moron?

“Tony, the offersare…nice, okay? I’m not going to say it isn’t cool to be wanted by someof these places. I mean Cedars… they have equipment and research facilitiesmost places couldn’t even dream of. Just the possibilities–”

A very pointedclearing of the throat makes him take a pause to breathe, count to ten becausehe has to get in the mindset to deal with Tony like this again (it’s been aminute) when he’s being incredibly stubborn.

Neither of them noticethe dark blue against black right at the side of the building, but the presenceunder the open window narrows white eyes and stays hidden in the Gotham shadow. Who even knew how long he’d been there.

“Excuse me,Cedars has equipment most facilities–aside from Stark Medical of course–couldn’teven dream of.”

The look he gets backis unimpressed at most, but Tim can see past the usual Tony Stark mask. Theexuding confidence is there like the nice, expensive suits he wears, but underneaththe brilliance and the snark, Tony’s eyes are bloodshot and the dark circlesunderneath look like bruises. He keeps his dominant hand in the pocket of hispants, probably to hide the slight tremble (which is why he isn’t wearing acoat, right? If Tony’s riding the sleep dep train, he won’t operate if hishands are starting to shake).

Tim eases back alittle, sips on his terrible sludge while idly thumbing his phone open.

“I’m very well awareof the opportunities right in front of you, Tim,” Tony starts moving, a shortwhirlwind of movement, activity, and energy. “I’m just saying–”

“What I told you ayear ago is still true,” Tim comes back, finishing up the quick text to one ofTony’s significant others, (just a little knowledge drop on how exhausted hismentor really is). He puts his phone away and crosses his arms over his chestin a firm sign of ‘this is how the discussion is going to go.’

“You can’t be serious.”And yes, that’s Tony Stark without all the touchy-feely, I care if you diekind of thing. “I’m outraged. I’m outraged on your behalf, Tim.”

“You can’t be,” hedeadpans.

“The hell I can’t.You’re going to stay here, in this death trap of a city and practicemedicine in this ill-equipped, dilapidated chop-shop hold-over from the secondWorld War–”

“Tony, c’mon.”

“While half thegoddamned world is out for you?! Do you have any idea what kindof direction your career could go if you accepted even one of thoseoffers?”

“I–”

“Anything else isliterally going to be professional suicide.”

“When you put it like that–”he snarks back, getting a little closer to his patience. It had taken longerthan usual because Tony, like Layla, needed to adults to lay it out for themonce and awhile.

“It’s time to listento reason, Tim. You’ve had plenty of time to try, I don’t know, winningthe Nobel for putting up with terrible conditions and homicidal maniacs withbomb fetishes. Isn’t it time you started challenging yourself again, and notby trying to die in this trash-dump city?”

And the shadowsoundlessly slides away in the night, leaving the conversation to finish up anecessary patrol. The rushing wind doesn’t take away anything he’s alreadylearned.

Dr. Drake, blissfullyunaware of the company, narrows his eyes dangerously, straightens up because dammit,he thought he handled this.

“I. Am. Not.Interested.” He tries, wondering if the emphasis counts. “As appealing as theresearch capabilities are, I’m not taking any of the offers. At all, atall. I’m staying right the fuck here where I choose to be.”

And he sees Tony startto open his mouth to start-up with another fast and furious argument on whyGotham is a cesspool of death and more death, but Tim walks right overanything he might have started in on by just getting right up in Tony’s faceand laying it all out.

“I appreciate the fuckout of the interest, Dr. Stark. Thanks but no thanks.”

“I need someone tocheck you out obviously.”

“I like ithere.”

“Oh? And what’s hername Mister I-Like-It-Here?”

“His name,Tony, and their names for your information.”

That has the intendedeffect and makes his old mentor pretty much pause on the next syllable.   

“But just so you know,they aren’t the only reasons why I’m staying in Gotham City. It’s more thanbeing close to my parents’ graves or close to my best friend and my niece. It’smore than just finally coming home, Tony. I belong here. I’m neededhere. It’s dirty and dangerous and so fucking what if there’s a guy in aBat suit running around kicking the shit out of criminals? It’s my city,so no. I’m not going anywhere.”

And Tony just blinksdown at him for long moments, this scene so painfully familiar from their daysof arguing back and forth during his “internship” with Stark Medical. It hadn’ttaken him long to understand what needed to be done to make someone like TonyStark change his mind.

Get all up in his faceand drop some truth bombs.

“I really, really hatethis,” Tony finally replies flatly, but his eyes are scrunched in amusement.

“I know. If I ever dowant to leave it behind, then you know the first place I’m going to go,” Timcomes back more gently, giving Tony a smirk.

Even though he’sobvious not happy about it, some of the pissed off fades out of Tony’sstiff posture. “Promise me, Drake. No one gets to kill you before I pick yourbrain about the neuro-stimulation device we’re working on.”

And with the obviouspun, he leans over laughing until his damn leg starts to ache and Tony has tohold him up by the arm so he doesn’t fall over.

**

The very impressiveRolls Royce greets Dr. Stark when he finally makes his way out the front doorsto attempt finding some palatable coffee.

The older man waitingby the passenger-side door is familiar enough that a smile cuts across Tony’sface.

“Alfred! Long time, nosee.” He smirks at the irony since his “visits” to Gotham didn’t alwayscoordinate with Pepper’s insistence he at least be in the city for SMbusiness.

“Master Stark, apleasure to see you again, Sir.”

“Always. Let me guess.You have some incredible coffee in there waiting for me?”

“Of course, Sir. Flavoredjust how you prefer.”

“You are a master ofall things, Alfred. Don’t even let Bruce tell you any differently.”

“I shall remind him atevery opportunity. However, you may do me a service and tell him yourself,”Alfred opened the back door with a slight flourish to show the billionairehimself sitting in the back, drinking from a thick, glass tumbler.

“Aw, Bruce, is that autility belt under your shirt or are you just happy to see me?”

The surgeon foldshimself down to get in, eyes sparkling for the slight scowl on his old friend’sface. He pays little attention to Alfred getting back in the driver’s seat andstarting the car. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t trust me inyour city.”

Tony stick up hispointer fingers at the side of his head, wiggling them to mimic the ears on theside of the cowl.

He’s smiling likecrazy when B just rolls his eyes and takes a deep pull from the tumbler.“You’re early, even after you’ve been running the gambit at your facility andStark Industries for the past few weeks. Forgive me for being curious.”

“I had to see anotherdoctor about a job prospect.”

“The doctor we have amutual interest in?”

“That would be theone. Next time he needs to be saved, leave the tights at home. Don’t you have aWE helicopter for a reason?”

“And exactly how wouldI explain that one away?”

“You have PR people,Bruce, let them have a field day with ‘rich socialite accidentally savespeople on a crumbling bridge.’”

“That would make morework for me as Bruce Wayne. Batman is a better figurehead for that kind ofthing.”

“Figurehead? Oh,you mean the persona you’ve gone to great lengths to hide as some kindof myth or urban legend all these years? That guy just suddenly shows up in thedaytime?”

“He’s beenphotographed before, Tony. Sometimes even with other superheroes, likeSuperman and Wonder Woman. All drawback of being on a team.”

“Teams are wonderfulthings, Bruce.

“Says you.”

And from a pocket inthe door, Bruce finally has a little bit of mercy on the overworked genius bypulling out a warm travel mug with the Batman logo on the front.

Tony laughs maniacallyfor long, painful moments, earning another eye-roll. The contents, however, arejust as Alfred promised: full of caffeine and just as tasty.

After a long moment ofsatisfaction, Tony lays his head back on the cushy seat and just sighs.

“You’re pushingyourself too hard,” Bruce admonishes gently. “I’m going to send the WE chopperto pick up Jim and Steve instead.”

That wakes him up.

“Don’t you even dare,B. I’ll never forgive you.”

“I’ve made worseenemies.”

Tony doesn’t snortcoffee up his nose, but really, it’s a close thing.

“You obviously can’ttake care of yourself,” Bruce is his usual brusk, no-nonsense about it, butTony can see there’s already some kind of plan in the making. “I can seewhy the two of them have such a hard time with you.”

“Says the guy thatneeded an emergency arthroscopy for meniscus tears.”

“Then I guess I’m verylucky you were in town.”

Tony hums, but hiseyes are sparkling. “How is the knee doing by the way?”

“It hurts when I breaksomeone’s jaw. Other than that, it’s fine.” And because it’s Bruce, he wavesit away without a second thought.

Tony hums again, buthis eyes go down to the knee in question.

Bruce sips his drinkagain while Alfred continues driving and Tony makes him wait for it.

Finally, once they’repassing the old Mylar building, B looks at him head-on, “all right. What did hehave to say?”

Trying not to grin,Tony shrugs a shoulder, “you’ve got nothing to worry about. Drake is staying inGotham, even with the more-than-generous offer I’ve made him. Believe me, B,I’m not happy about it, but he doesn’t seem too keen on leaving Mercy General.”

And as Tony is well-awarein their long and industrious friendship, the real Bruce Wayne is like a closedbook, doesn’t let even the smallest twitch break his facade (well, except infront of his boys, which is when BatDad makes an appearance), but thesigns of relief are really hard to miss for someone that literally kept B’sright arm moving after that rotator cuff injury.

“Dick and Jay will behappy to hear that, I suppose.” Tony observes with false cheer becausehonestly, who wouldn’t put two and two together at this juncture.

(Bruce isn’t the onlydetective. As a surgeon, Tony has to deduce with little evidence, so it’s notreally a shocker to find out the vigilantes have a doctor for a sweetie. Smartmove all around.)

“…yes, they will.Tim…?”

“He didn’t have to.You just told me yourself, Mr. Wayne.”

At the frown, Tonygives himself a mental point. The day he can get one up on the Batman is reallya day he needs to remember.

“All right, fine. Jayand Dick might have mentioned he’s been getting attention outside Gotham. I’vealready taken some steps to try making it seem like staying in the city mightbe a better deal.”

And Tony’s jaw drops,“you’ve been trying to get Mercy to partner with WE! That’s why they aren’tplaying nice with Pepper! Bruce, you devil.”

“Demon, actually, ifyou believe the stories,” and now it’s Bruce smirking into his tumbler. “We’lltalk more about it over dinner. Besides, the Batcomputer is on the fritz again.You can dazzle me over filet mignon.”

“Flatterer. How can Ipossibly say no?”

Bruce taps theintercom to tell Alfred they’re ready to go back to the Manor and Dr. Starkwill be joining them for the evening. Alfred gives him an affirmative and the planis set into motion. If there just happens to be a comfortable surfacefor Tony to pass out on during the visit, well, the pictures for Jim and Stevewould be well-worth the effort.

**

The conversation withTony didn’t end well, leaving him with a mental hangover by the time his shiftis finally over.

Night hadn’t startedbreaking away into dawn yet, so he’s still walking by dark alleys where thestreet lights are flickering.

He gets out a, “whatthe fuck–!?” before he’s just suddenly swept up off his feet by a strongarm holding him up hundreds of feet in the air.

Really, he should beused to things like this by now.

Robin undoubtedly givesno shits about how tight he’s holding onto the doctor or, the obviousdifferences in their height as punctuated by the botched landing, putting himliterally on his ass.

“Wow, thanks for the warning,Rob. I really didn’t need legs anyway.”

In some way that mightactually show he’s sorry, Robin bends down to pick up the cane and handsit over so Tim can get back on his feet.

“Alright, what’s goingon? Where are you hurt?” He doesn’t bother with niceties, just grips Robin bythe bicep and turns him, uses the cane to hold the cape out of the way. “Pleasetell me no one stabbed you because wouldn’t that just be ironic?”

He sees no blood ortorn suit. Takes a second look just to make sure.

Robin, in a creepyparody of his conversation with Tony earlier in the evening, is silent.

“Rob? Robin, what isit?”

A litany of oh shitruns through his brain pain in the form of toxins, mind control, and bloodborne pathogens (oh my).

“I have beeninformed,” the youngest vigilante starts slowly, “you are considering other opportunitiesoutside of Gotham, Drake.”

He blinks once. Doesit again while staring down at the whiteouts.

“Opportunities? Rob–Dami,what are you talking about?”

“Facilities are vyingfor you, offering you more advantages than any in Gotham possibly could.I understand the temptation of such offers–”

“Whoa, what? Wait aminute. Just. Wait.”

“However,” Robin goeson, his tone low in the night, “I am here to offer you a bargain.”

And that in no waywhatsoever sound anything less than ominous. Like, ‘I’ll promise not to takeout your spleen’ kind ominous.

He leans down a littleso the crime fighter doesn’t have to look up at him, “First: yes, I’ve gottensome job offers. It’s nice they’re thinking of me, really, but those offers arebased off a one-time emergency incident, not because they’ve seen me inaction or know anything about my…hobbies. They’re not offering a jobto me, Dami. Do you get that?”

The ensuing silenceand Bat-stillness are signs of the younger processing.

“Besides, I choseto come back to Gotham when I could have gone pretty much anywhere after myinternship with Stark Medical. You have no idea how many places wantedme on staff after I survived Tony Stark. If I wanted a job outside of the city,I could have had it in spades. The point is I chose to be here. I wantedto stay, and that? Isn’t going to change, okay? No bargains, no threats,nothing. I’m not leaving–”

He stops himselfbefore saying I’m not leaving Dick and Jay because really, he isnot, repeat Not talking to Dami about his relationship. Poor kid mightbe traumatized for life, so nope, not happening.

(Their last littleconvo to the vibe of ‘harm my brother and I shall eviscerate you per one ofyour textbooks. I shall do it slowly and methodically. Your screams would nottrouble me’ turned into a pretty good discussion on the best possiblescenario in effectively ripping someone’s spine out. His argument against thelogistics of it had spurned Robin out of the killing mood).

The obvious relief inthe small crime fighter is right there in how his shoulders sag just slightly.

“So, you’re going tohave to put up with me saving your ass when you do stupid shit like take on anarmy of zombified Jokers without backup.”

“Then…I shall haveno other option but to deal with your meddling when necessary,” the youngerwaves off his concern, but a corner of his mouth is tilted up just enough tonotice.

**

It’s really nice ofDami to drop him off on his fire escape. Walking would have been fine, but whenyou can travel Air-Robin, well, why not?

He pushes his windowup and gingerly eases in, maneuvering the cane to steady his leg. Hands are onhim before his head is inside and he wacks himself a good one in surprise.

Dick is smiling gentlydown at him, still gripping his elbow to steady him.

“That sounded like ithurt,” is a failed attempt at a joke because the mirth doesn’t reach the darkblue of Dick’s eyes.

Oh. OH. Welp, that’swhere Dami got this nonsense from, is it?

His stern lecture isgoing to have to wait for at least one cup of half-way decent coffee because hereally need to wind it up so the message hits home.

Jay is already there,his chair pulled out from the kitchen table and the pot filled with somethingdarker than the night.

“Hi honey,” he tiredlycalls, “did my boys have a good time kicking the shit out of bad guys tonight?”

Making grabby hand athim, Dick is one of his hugging moods, and pretty much lifts him off hisfeet to nuzzle/carry him to the table where blessed coffee awaited. Fine.Lecture pending.

He gets a last goodnuzzle to the face before the smell of pizza hits and a plate appears in frontof him. Jason leans down to blow a breath across his jugular before his mouthpresses just enough to be a kiss, the usual effect takes his nerve endings up anotch or two before the tease pulls away.

The three of them eatin sluggish silence, the strain of their night jobs hitting a little close tohome. The call of a communal shower and their large, comfortable bed a siren’ssong to the over-worked, sleep-deprived do-gooders.

But Tim knows them bynow, knows what’s already running them further down.

Through the last yearof their relationship, they’d already been through the whole we’re puttingyou in danger just by being with you argument.

Yes, yes it possiblywas.

Yes, he is fullyaware.

Yes, he can make hisown choices fuck you very much.  Apparently, his no, not changing mymind is going to come out for a second time tonight.

“Robin picked me up onthe way home,” he starts out while the two of them are finishing up and lookingless likely to start up arguing before he’s made his point.

“Dami was still out?”

“What? Baby Bat ain’tget enough in that warehouse down on 23rd?”

Tim finishes off hiscoffee and finally sets his eyes on first Jason and then Dick. “Going to ask mewhat he wanted?”

Both crime fighters gostill, doing that eye slide thing they can still pull off with a domino andhelmet.

“Lay it on us,Timmers.”

“He pretty much askedwhat offer I was accepting for some mystery job half a continent away,”and now he’s glaring, eyes narrowing when Dick looks quickly away and Jasonsits back with a tense jaw jutting out.

“Which is absolutelyfucking ridiculous considering I like right where the hell I am.Where could he have heard such a thing, I wonder?”

Oh yeah, that’s Dick’sguilty expression.

“It’s fine if theywant to offer me a position, but the nice thing about it is that I can politelydecline, you know.”

“Top twenty facilitiesin the world, Timmy?” Dick’s voice is softer than he’d like, shakingly unsurefor a vigilante that literally risks his life every night to keep peoplehe doesn’t even know safe. “That’s not something to take…lightly.”

His mouth drops openwith an are you even kidding me?

“‘Sides,” Jayintejects without really looking at him, “ain’t like this is the fucking centero’ the world fer a fella like you, Sweets. Smart, sassy, moves like yerass is on fucking fire when someone’s on the line. Ya got moreguts than anyone outta the cape I ever met.”

“Gotham doesn’t haveto be the hill you die on,” Dick picks up, looking down into the sludge left atthe bottom of his coffee mug, “we would absolutely understand andsupport you if you even wanted to look into any of these places–”

“Even go ta seewhatcha might be lookin’ at,” Jay shrugs indifferently, “make sure ya’d findsomewhere safe ta build a nest.”

“The kind oftechnology they could offer you would be, like, ground-breaking stuff and…andGotham just can’t give you that, Tim.”

“No motherfuckersgonna break inta yer shit, I guaran-fucking-tee ya on that.”

“It’s not just beingin the ER or in surgery, it’s moving up to management or teaching or being afull-time researcher with grants and–and everything.”

“Make a safe routethere n’ back, you feel me? Me n’ Dickie’ll scope it out a few days, check the scene.”

“We would never wantto hold you back, baby. Not when the only thing Gotham has to offer you isexploding bridges and insane mad men that kidnap you and ninjas that are readyto attack at any second, and…and Timmy, you could never be safe, notreally, not here. Not even with us and B and Dami and everyone else,it’ll never be completely safe for you.”

“But fucking believeit, Timmers, we’ll make any place ya wanna lay yer head down as safe as wecan, yeah?”

“We…we love you, andwe want the best for you.”

“If leavin’ is what’sbest, Sweets, then we’ll make it fucking happen.”

It’s DIck’s voicecracking and Jay’s shiny, averted eyes that end it for him right then andthere.

He shoves himself upfrom the table abruptly, a jarring motion. The sound of the chair fallingbackwards a loud clatter against the softness of their voices. He keeps a handon the table top to walk around the damn thing and almost strangle Jason bylooping an arm around the base of his throat and pull the Red Hood into hischest. He holds out his other hand to Dick, glaring with the best of hisabilities.

It’s a tremulous thingwhen Dick rises tiredly out of his seat and takes that hand, lets Tim pull himover and secure the both of them to him.

“I’m going to say thisbecause it’s obvious the two of you are too tired to use your detective skillsfor anything more than superficial clues.”

Slowly, Jay’s face isin his stomach, arms wrapping around his waist while Dick secures his chest,the two of them almost holding him up.

“After all thefighting I’ve had to do to get here, to get this far, I’m not giving up jackshit. I run the gauntlet because that exactly where I want to be. I staywith my people because that’s my fucking team and no, I don’t wantor need another. I can watch Layla grow up into this kick ass little person andmake sure Steph has someone to Netflix and chill with while we kill a pint ofBen & Jerry’s. But what matters the most, what I can’t fucking give upis being here with the two of you in whatever capacity I can. Asyour boyfriend, as your surgeon, as the guy that is totally, you know, inlove with you. As someone that can share your lives like this. All of it isexactly what I want and what I get to choose. You two? Don’t get to tellme what’s best for me. I decide that. Got it?”

The quiet, still menattached to him give half-shuffling nods where they’re buried in him.

“I don’t want to hearanything else about leaving Gotham, like at all, okay? The answer is no.I’m not going anywhere to tour the facilities or listen to stupid speechesabout what they have to offer or how good the benefits package is. None of thatshit. They can’t offer me my ER, they can’t offer me time doing research in theBatCave, they can’t let me play around with alien DNA for a minute, and theycan’t give me you two. So? No. Case closed.”

Dick lets up justenough for him to tilt Jay’s head back and lean down to slide their lipstogether, giving the Red Hood a little something to seal the deal. Those eyesare bluer when he pulls back, making him smirk before he straightens up to giveDick the same treatment.

(Because they’re bothtall, he has to pull them down to effectively fuck his tongue in their mouths.Such a pain in the ass.)

When he pulls back,Dick gasps in a little, tightens his hold around Tim’s chest.

But the reliefpervades the air between them, giving him a reason to go a little more lax,just to feel them pretty much ready to hold him up completely.

“So the plan is,”he continues easily, one hand on the back of Jay’s neck to rub the tensionaway, and the other gripping Dick’s wrist tight enough to bruise tomorrow, “weget a nice, hot shower with plenty of scrubbing and maybe a little play time.Then, we climb in bed and pass the fuck out. You can fix your suits tomorrow,and we’ll all feel up to having dangerous acrobatic vigilante sex after about eight hours. If you’re both good,I’ll…I’ll wear that thing you got me for my birthday. Deal?”

He knows he’s alreadygot their acquiescence when both his boyfriends noticeably perk.

“That sounds like adeal to me,” Dick tries to be mock-grave, but he’s laughing in the back ofTim’s neck, running his nose over the knob of bone.

“Fucking righteous,Sweetheart. I been waiting ta see that.” Jay is grinning up at him with thatlook– all kinds of anticipation without any of the previous hesitation.

“Good. Peel yourselvesoff of me and lets get naked. For mostly clean purposes. Or not. Really, I’mpretty beyond compromised, so I’d probably like to make you both come at leastonce before I’m unconscious.”

“Sweet-talker,” Dickteases and steps to the side so he can be the first to lift their civilianboyfriend up in a princess hold that has become way too reminiscent in the pasttwo months.

“He’s just talkin’ my language, ‘at’s all, Baby Boy,” Jaystands to give him a fast n’ dirty before he gets their mugs to the sink andfills them with water to wash tomorrow. He hits the lights and follows his boysdown the hallway where slippery skin and things like I’m not giving upare waiting.

[thefatdrunkdragon]

The Worst RPer I have ever met (Nemo Saga Chapter 3)

 Okay, so let’s talk about the first worst RP and my worst Idea first. The Spooky RP.

 This idea should be on the list of unlikely and terrible crossover ideas ever. Simply imagine Spooky’s House of Jumpscares except no 1000 rooms, the layout is more akin to the Arklay Mansion and the spooky monsters that hunt you down are replaced with the Zeds from Killing Floor 2. This was during a time in my life where I had worse ideas in mind, and while I am not fully better, I’m slowly improving the ideas and concepts of something else before I end up doing the mistake of writting the “Life is Eldritch” Fanfiction... ANYWAY!

 The Plot of this RP I told to Nemo was that my Characters had taken over a small abandoned mansion and turned into an a haunted house attraction where an AI would sorta pick what monster comes out while a female character named Kate decides to do the voices to do some kind of a twisted warning about it. I told it to Nemo and he accepted it. Only because it had spooky and he was a big fan of Markiplier. And don’t worry, Markiplier doesn’t make a cameo.

 Anyway, we begin this RP tale in October 30th, where the next day would soon be Velora’s Birthday (yi-fucking-pey). After some random bullshit where some dude through coffee on Velora’s Face for no reason, Everyone goes to the Mansion near the Villa.

Short Explanation: The Villa is a small abandoned “Town” that was half finished and forgotten by the government. The few buildings finished are just the town plaza and the Mansion own by a man who’s name is forgotten. The mansion is the setting for this RP.

 Anyway, they go in, dressed as a bunch of Emo’s and are told the rules. Nemo thought he was being sneaky when he and his mommy sues brought guns but I counter acted this by telling them that the monsters were incapable of harming them and in having a gun, they deprive themselves of the horror of a Haunted Mansion.

 But then fucking suddenly, Anathalia’s Archnemesis, Adelie (Brothel Owner lady), shows up and takes Anathalia. But Nemo then handcuffs her and the police take her away.

This won’t be the last time this shit happens.

 Within minutes we show them the mansion and how it works. While he was trying to push me into having Exposition dumped into my face, I tried to introduce the RP’s Main threat, the Spooky Hologram (I’ll explain what the fuck I was trying to do at the end of the story, because explaining everything here is confusing.) Needless to say, I forgot to mention to Nemo that this RP, while taking the title of Spooky, was a complete diversion from the games but he is still convincing himself he played through this game and it’s nothing.

 So the objective of this haunted mansion thing was to have people choose a direction and try to go through with it. Think of it like an escape room, except you’re trying to escape the house from mutants who can’t fully hurt you but can give you one hell of scare with their wails and hissing. Nemo and Velora chose the Basement while Anathalia chose the Second Floor. And then the games started.

 Then fucking suddenly, Adelie shows up (No details about how the fuck she escaped) and asks around for Anathalia to bring her back the brothel (Because kidnapping a “famous celebrity”, and doing so is more trouble than it’s worth!) and Nemo decided to have Kate (The person that we both created and the voice of the Spooky Hologram) go and try to defend Anathalia. It was there where Anathalia decided to choose Kate as another candidate, but Aiden and Ruby (Aiden being a sort of avatar of mine and Ruby being an obvious nod to an artist I like and a Female Dragon) tried to defuse the situation but Nemo comes and tries to stop the situation by threatening Adelie with a gun (Yeah, dipshit ignored da rules of the mansion and somehow had another gun.) But before anything could go any further, The cops show up and she is taken to a jail in paris yet again. Making this whole conflict pointlessly unnecessary.

 Meanwhile, Nemo and his mommy sues returned to the Maze and he keeps brushing off minor things that aren’t being part of the game as part of the game. I know it’s a sort of method for us to calm the fuck down but he was so smug about how the “escape mansion” was just like the Spooky game. Until he reached the laboratory, where the Killing Floor Zeds were being stored and manufactured. He at first brushed it off, until the lights of the lab came on and he saw them all, these hideous freaks all moving around in their cages, waiting for an opportunity to tear into him like a lion on a gazelle.

 He still continued to brush it off, but it was there where the Hologram made it clear that No one in the control room is doing this, it is now running the show and will now unleash these freaks for its own amusement. But leave it to Nemo to try and deflate the scary moment by adding in fucking “bachata” music (Bachata being a sort social dance music for us latinos). I wanted to go with a sort of dark like tone and he just adds unnecessary BS like this and just ruins it.

 It is after that the spooky AI was going to decide to unleash the monsters on them and he would have to escape the mansion with his life. 

Big. Fucking. NOPE

 He teleports away to safety, ruining the conflict so bad that I argued for a re-do because it was that insulting. I know It sounds annoying but jesus christ! I shouldn’t have done this because all I did was prolong the agony further.

 Anyway, It was there where Spooky had tried to force Nemo and his Mary Sues to pick a path and stick to it. His mary sues had the attention span of toddlers because they ignore everything she says, asks her about what is it like being a ghost (Despite the fact I told him in the beginning it was a Hologram.) and then I decided to pull a Deus Ex Machina out of my Ass and just have her ZAP away their powers. Nemo’s Response?

 Nemo(From the Archived RP I had): Did you know you can't do that to me, right? I'm different.

 Ofcourse he doesn’t want to play fair. Ofcourse, OFCOURSE! He has to act like he’s such a SPECIAL AND UNIQUE Snow flake. I was so sickened by this that instead of teleporting away, he just rushed the scary moments of being chased by the Zeds and then he escaped to the control room. Where the dipshit begins to change the subject to an unimportant side plot about how Adelie found Anathalia. I won’t explain the details, but it had something to do with a Hot Topic employee being a spy for Adelie and such bullshit.

 I broke character as Aiden, so tired of this inane bullshit, decides to grab a rifle, arm Eddie and an unpaid janitor, to go down the basement and take care of the monsters before they get out and then, just because I realized how much of a fucking mistake both the RP and the attraction was, I would burn down the mansion. Nemo gets offended that we were going to destroy the mansion and tells us to leave. So we do, and Nemo then decides that the next logical solution is to MURDER MY FUCKING CHARACTER and throw his body out of the rooftop of the mansion, ignoring all the other characters trying to kill him.

 But it’s okay gais! Because it turns out it was a Demon call Jack, Who was making him do the bad thing and Nemo has the most anti-climatic battle. I wanna take this moment to take another quote from the RP. Because I never noticed it and now that I do, I find it so hilarious

His friends like Ruby, Anathalia and Kate are in shock. What will they do without (Nemo)? They'll never know.

 Well, I can tell you one thing. Ruby would not miss someone who just happened to have Killed their friend in cold blood when there was never a sign of this possesion to begin with!

 So after an anticlimatic battle that could fit in the confines of a tweet, Nemo defeats the Demon and the day was saved. And he swept away all the problems by reviving my character and had all of my characters go “Oh, It wasn’t Nemo, it was a demon! He was the good guy all along.” And then there was a party.

 Aiden, Despite being revived by his “Saviour” has not forgotten his goal. So I told everyone to get ready for a big firework display. And everyone gave their stupid recommendations.

 At first the house had a minor explosion, before the memories of that shitty night were erased in a massive ball of fire. Bringing a huge smile on my face and an angry Nemo on my character’s face. He got into some whiny bullshit about how he would buy the land and rebuild it for the Vampire Clan or some Bullshit, and since the Vampire Clan was so Big and Important to the government, I took it a step further by lighting the flag on fire and telling him “I’ll call you for a war declaration later.” He repeats how I’m offending the vampire overlords but I told him I never gave a fuck. And he just flipped my character off.

 and that was the worst RP I have ever had with Nemo, and it sure as Shit would not be the last.

And now... A brief explanation on what in the actual fuck was the POINT of the Spooky RP:

 The idea for the Spooky RP was inspired by my experience playing KF2 on a free weekend on Steam while also learning about Spooky’s House Of Jumpscares. So I had a thought: Why not have an RP where there is a sort of Spooky Esque character trying to narrate your “demise” while also being chased by zeds. Although not mentioned in the RP, the origins of the Zeds come from the Mansions “Laboratory” level below the Basement, and when Aiden and Eddie first found it, they were stuck down the for a day until they shredded their way out. It was there where Aiden had the bright idea of creating the escape mansion to make a quick buck. But since they can’t just go and kill them, the characters decide that the best course of action is to lead the zeds out of the basement, trap it and try to declaw or detooth them, due to how dangerous those parts can be. As the mansion was built and the AI was already created, the AI went through an “Ultron Phase” as I like to call it, looking through video footage of the somehow working cameras of the mansion and seeing both Eddie and Aiden harming this creatures for entertainment purposes. So it plotted their demise and its plan to release the creatures out into the streets of Puerto Rico just for giggles. How the “Spooky AI” spoke was by replicating a lot of Kates Vocals and then mimicking it in a same pitch and everything. Yeah, it doesn’t make a lot of sense but I tried to atleast come up with a good idea before it got ruined horribly.

I should’ve quit after the SteamPunk disaster but I guess I’m responsible for my own demise when it comes to bad RPs. And like a masochist, I just kept coming for more.

[nautiscarader]

Kim Possible season 3 recap

And here is part 3 of my KP marathon notes. Obligatory thanks to @fereality-indy for encouraging me to watch this awesome show. 

So, what will happen this this time? Will Kim Possible save another kitten from a tree? Will Ron discover something better than nachos? Will Doctor Drakken release the Krakken? Will Shego puncture her ego? Will Lord Monkeyfist buy Club Banana just because he is bonkers? Will Duff Killigan finally score?

So, let’s see what’s the first big problem KP has to deal with!

Kim being alone on a Friday evening. Okay.

Also, amusingly, everyone is doing something on a Friday evening, including the villians. 

Motorhead turns out to be Drakken’s cousin. okay.

And people know the address of Draken’s lair bc of mailing list

See, it’s the little touches like those that make this show a very accurate portrayal of superheroes and villians. 

KP gets jealous of Ron’s friend in wheelchair because they spend too much time together playing video games, so she has to find a way to “fit in”.

Okay, so they can approach it in a sensible and subtle, or so-cringe-worthy-and-painful-the-skip-button-presses-itself way.

So, which did they choose?

painful it is

Few stupid scenes later, Draken STEALs THE WHEELCHAIR FROM A DISABLED KID

shego: what’s next, stealing lolipop from a baby?

and there is a brilliant running joke about it

is it ableist to say that a joke about disabled person is “running”? Well, this is tumblr you gotta be carfeul

Anyway, turns out that Drakken and Jake the Dog make an actual competent combo, even though they end up in prison. And momma Lipski is still clueless about her son’s profession

Next ep: KIM CHANGED HER HAIR! and she looks cute

Ron is a pickle, but that’s normal

Draken and shego steal moodulators (get it?) from random scientist #464

Shego: if you are so smart why do you always steal instead of inventing things yourself

Draken: it’s called outsourcing, shego

God d amit, that is a smart show. 

And of course moodultaors accidentally fall on KP and SHego, so they act random throughout the day. And boy it is weird when it’s set to loveskick

Shego: steals lolipop from a baby for Drakken because she luvs him

KP turns into  a proper stalker mode for her Ronnie

And Monique is completely fine with it. 

and then kim KISSED him!!!

OMG NOSEBLEED

And then poor Ron has no idea what to do with dating KP so suddenly, and the whole scene where he debates what to do is absolute gold with a punchline that defies expectations. 

Draken and Shego go on a date and boy it is weird. SHE CATWALKS TO HIM

I can already see Disney censors thinking when it’s going to be too much for The Mouse

and kim’s dad threatens to send ron to a black hole when he takes her on a date

Also the random professor wants to sell his no-longer-existent moodulaTors on auction and he thinks about blaming it on the mail. You know, i’ve seen some approaches how to handle a world where superheroes/villians/geniuses live in our society (like in BNHA, for example), but KP so far makes it the best approach, because it makes them so relatable. 

And boy the finale is satisfying because everything completely backfires

Shego and KP got stuck in an anGry mode, and chase their boys. Ron tries to hide in the same place as drakken

Drakken: Dibs!

Ron: Double dibs!

Drakken: all right, you won with your superior dib-calling (ACTUAL QUOTE)

And the day is saved thanks to the power of friendship and not that Kp and ron are definitely in love with each other

KP, Ron, Drakken and Shego somehow manage to get into Tv, where they visit parodies of famous shows

Honestly, meh. I remember a similar episode of Teen Titans, that one was funny as heck.

and then we find out who’s the real villian of the middleton high: THE SCARY LIBRARIAN!

And turns out Ron accidentally put a book Kim rented in his backpack, causing her to get into trouble doing library duties. 

So he goes on a mission to revisit all of the bad guys they fought to see where he might have left it

Okay: calling it now, it’s still in his backpack

Shego: Where’s Possible?

Ron: She’s not my girlfriend!

Shego: Never said she was. 

And Ron accidentally saves the world on that book hunt

Lord Monkey:Ron Stoppable!

Ron: You’re the only one, who remembers my name, I respect that

Okay, so Wade can make stuff invisible. Like, how?

And there we go: the book it was in his backpack all the time. 

Oh, and Ron takes a book from Lord Monkeymonkey contaning a spirit of a monkey demon.

And he returns to the library, saving Kim from being bored to death by retunring the book. 

GUESS WHICH ONE HE RETURNED.

Oh, it was another half-episode. Weird. 

And the next one is about giant bugs. Interesting how Kim tells Ron not to be afraid of bugs, and next moment she’s all squirmish while Ron befriends a giant roach and calls him Roachie. 

KP: Ron, did you start working on the project? it was supposed to be autobiographical

ron: No, I’m waiting for it to write itself.

WE MIGHT GET RUFUS’ BACKSTORY!

Oh, and Drakken tried to take over the world with shampoo. Honestly, it’s funny as heck

he tries smarty mart to sell it

he even makes loreal-style ad, but it doesn’t sell

so he tries product placement in a hip hop song, and the artists is like “Aw, hell no”

And then 

and then

turns out that Shego and Drakken are having karaoke night every friday.

God dammit, i don’t know why but that is beyond funny

and turns out that Drakken can sing. 

and shego points out that he could sing about the shampoo

so he goes to an american idol

And I think I realise what really makes it funny: Kp is barely in this episode, helping ron with homework. No evil-doing is actually done, we only get to see, for the most part what goes behind the scenes of an evil plan that is so insanely and unnecessary convoluted it is beyond belief. 

OH, AND kp GETS TO RIVAL HIM ON STAGE, OF COURSE.

people hypnotised by the shampoo so far: one (1) random henchman

one (1) old TV producer in a sauna 

one (1) Simon Cowell

And...holy shit, his song is actually good. 

And instead of KP, who is busy fighting the mean lean green machine, Ron sings about Rufus. The song is titled “Naked Mole Rap”. And it is FREAKING PHENOMENAL.

Oh, add one (1) Shego to the list. 

Okay, so far that is the most crazy episode. Like, seriously, the quality was through the roof.

SCRATCH THAT NEXT EP is EVEN WEIRDER

So, the Team Impossible, which we have learned about in the movie, is angry at KP for saving the world for free, whereas they actually charge people for it. 

And they try to cut Kim from all of her world-traveling assets and knock her out of competition.

THAT IS FUCKING V ILE

And they hack Wade

AND TURNS OUT YOU DON’T FUCK WITH WADE

YOU DON’T CUT THEIR INTERNET CABLES OF A NERD

SINCE THIS IS ONE WAY TO MAKE AN OBESE SUPER GENIOUS  WALK OUT OF THEIR ROOM

AND HE LOOKS SO FREAKING BAD-ASS WHEN HE STORMS INTO THEIR HEADQUATERS

aaand TI is defeated the same way they would have been defeated had they answered the call. 

Pretty funny, and it does go into the details of how on Earth superheroes work in this world. 

And we have another episode about the secret ninja high school Ron was sent to 

And Yori travels to US for Ron 

And Kim is super jelaus

Wade: Kim, you are jelly

Kim: So not

Monique: You are jelly 

Kim: So not

Kim: *is jelly*

So she pretty much stalks Ron all the way to the school, and nearly fails the mission of trying to save the levitating magical jedi principal. Seriously, he’s OP as fuck.

And he’s escaping from a huge monkey. turns out it’s crazy dna lady who turned herself  into monkey for Lord Britishmonkey. 

Next episode is bascially one huge satire on the movie industry, down to the title (”and The mole rat will be CGI”). KIm and Ron accidentally crash a movie set, after Senior Senior Junior crashes it first since he accidentally applied for a role of a henchman in said movie. 

It was supposed to be set in Britian, but the movie set was in New Zealand, since “it was cheaper”

And I was like 

Is that a “Lord of The rings” joke? Someone tell me if I’m right.

Oh, and we have another long episode WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS ANOTHER MOVIE?

And it looks like it’s a three-part episode again, I wonder if the formula’s gonna work again. 

The beginning feels like a short promo scene for people who might not know what KP is about, and I’m not gonna lie, this sums it up perfectly. Action, drama, explosions, more drama, goofy ron, naked mole rat kicking ass and more drama. By the way, what;s the title? 

I guess the intro is an homage to the James Bond ones, with lots of colourful, surreal visuals floating in the background to the soothing, slow music. Love it, too bad it’s short, but again, it had to fit an episode’s running time.

 wait so the Nakasumi president CAN speak English? Even the movie calls him wacky for whispering all the time as if he couldn’t. 

Okay, now the movie just fucks with us. 

mr and mrs possible almost switch their cloaks with important documents, but she switches them back just at the last moment

mr posible ALMOST deletes his work file worth three billion dollars but undos it at the last moment.

it’s like the plot TRIES to start itself

And I bet the key is under the doormat

So the dating drama IS going to be the theme of the movie, huh. 

Wade: Drakken has been spotted in the Bermuda triangle

Bermuda triangle: *turns out to be a hotel*

And Ron just happened to have his suit under the scuba diving gear.

Shego proves to be once again, way more competent than Drakken.

and we have obligatory fight between two kickass ladies in dresses and high heels. This IS a James Bond movie. 

So, the prom drama continues, and it is sadly kinda goes into the cringe territory, with some new dude falling in love with Kim and Kim falling for him, Ron feeling sad, they both being conflicted, yep, seen it. 

But for once Drakken helps the cause and moves the plot forward, stealing some super project from dr Possible.

he deletes the file like he did in the opening, but GASP drakken has some mind reading machine

I do wonder if the coat switcheroo is going to be part of the plot. 

Holy shit

Drakken’s plan is so crazy that it actually makes sense. Take over the buneo nachos and put kiddy meals in it with robot toys that take over the world. And neither kim nor Shego could have forseen it. 

And more prom drama. Ugh. 

I always like when Possible family work together to stop the evil-doers.

So Drakken’s plan was brilliant, minus the part when the entire army of robots shuts down when the signal goes off-line. Kinda a major fuck-up. 

And they kindapped Kim’s boyfriend to lure her.  

OH, SO HE WAS A SYNTH ROBOT

I genuinely didn’t see that coming. 

Drakken learns Ron’s name, yeah! And it’s shot like Drakken’s yelling a curse to the skies, love it. 

Also, HOLY SHIT, Kim kicks Shego into the tower so hard it looks like she was about to kill her. Like, that was genuinely chilling moment, especially with an ominous, lightning-filled close-up onto her later.

Spoiler: she didn’t die. 

Okay, colour me confused: I didn’t think that Kim and Ron were going to kiss and start dating now, I thought this movie was going to be one huge prequel to a movie by the end of S4. Or more precisely, it feels weird NOW, knowing that there is a whole season ahead of me. Cos that felt like a pretty good end of a series, something akin to the Last Airbender one, so I’m slightly concerned how it’s going to be played into season 4, cos this can go haywire pretty easily. 

Uh, not going to lie, I’ve got mixed feelings about the movie. On one hand, it gave us a proper evil plan from Drakken, one that attacks Kim psychologically, showing that for once, he DID his homework and actually studied Kim’s behaviour. On the other, the prom/dating drama is kinda painful to watch, but fortunately gets resolved in the end. Maybe it’s just me, but I had the same expression as Rufus when he and Ron said that guys don’t talk about feelings. It felt kinda clumsy and not subtle at all, and what’s worse, the show itself did way better job of portraying romance in previous episodes, most notably the moodulator one. But as I said, those last few scenes with Ron and Kim fighting together does make up for it. 

also, Rufus once again is the unspoken hero. He did so freaking much, including, but not limited to: saving ron from the tentacle monster, freeing kim and ron, defeating the synth boyfriend, pushing Kim and Ron together... He really is a badass.    

So, not a bad one, though I preferred the first movie. Also, on the whole Season 3 was significantly shorter than second. Wonder what’s gonna happen in the next season.  

[tisfan]

So, I don't normally ask for prompt fills, but I've had a really rough night tonight. On my way home after a very long day, I ended up in a gridlock on the highway due to a fatal accident, and a 30 minute drive took me about 2 hours. So prompt: any pairing - there's a fatal accident, and the news reports that one of the Avengers was involved. Their friend/lover can't get hold of them and freaks out. The Avenger is okay, but their phone died (or was lost). There's yelling, then making up

That’s My Jam

There were plenty of things Clint loved about being an Avenger.

And he had plenty of time to think about them, because thisfucking traffic wasn’t going anywhere.

He started listing them in his head. In detail. And then, for thehell of it, in alphabetical order, just because Tony wouldn’t think that Clintcould manage that much detail. Suck it, Stark.

Being an Avenger was great.

Well, the hours kinda blew. And there was some sort of fucked upside of the universe that seemed to think that Clint shouldn’t be able to takea day off, because whenever he did, something always, always happened.

And then there was all the time spent in medical (and the timeavoiding the time spent in medical, because Clint.) Honestly, Clint spent moretime with bandaids holding his various bits together than he ever had before inhis life. And he was a certified adrenaline junkie with a history of epicallypoor decision making skills.

Okay, so maybe being an Avenger was less than great.

But it had some nice side bennies.

Like the fact that Clint would never, ever have met his gorgeous,smart-ass, self-satisfied, asshole boyfriend, if it wasn’t for the Avengers.Speaking of which, Clint would love for his gorgeous, smart-ass, self-satisfiedasshole boyfriend to come SCOOP HIM UP OUT OF TRAFFIC with his goddamn wingsbecause Clint had the car in damn Park and had for almost forty minutes now,and he was going to run out of gas if this kept up.

He pulled out his cellphone and punched the entry for BirdBrain2(Bird Brain was his nickname, and Tony had given it to him special, and justbecause Bucky had started calling Sam Bird Brain instead didn’t meananything, right? Right.)

Also, since he was bored and traffic wasn’t going anywhere anyway,Clint clicked the phone over to his Avenger’s comm unit and climbed out of thecar. He might get a better idea what was going on from the roof, right.

“Hey babe,” Sam said as he picked up the phone. “Where are you?”

“Traffic blows hoary goats,” Clint said by way of answer. Hecouldn’t see anything standing on the roof of his car. A few other driversblared their horns, like they thought Clint standing there meant they’d bestuck longer. Clint flipped them off absently. He gauged the distance betweenthe roof of his car and the semi in front of him. Ah, hell with it. “Rancid,hoary goats with huge balls and--”

He hopped down, grabbed his bow out of the back seat.

“Now there is an image that I didn’t ask to see,” Sam said. “Youknow that sex you wanted to have, ever again? Shut up now.”

There’s more below the cut. Or read on A03

“Okay,” Clint agreed. He eyed the bridge supports, turned andfired a zipline. He inhaled at just the right time so that the jerk and tugdidn’t make him cough and splutter and sound like an idiot. He pulled histac-goggles out of his quiver and slid them over his eyes. “Remind me to makeTony a pie.”

“You? Want to bake something. For Tony?” Sam mocked. “Need Iremind you of what happened the last time you tried to make cookies. And thatwas from one of those pathetic break and bake packs.”

Clint found it completely adorable (and a little sappy, pathetic,and heartbreaking) that he knew his boyfriend was grinning just from the soundof his voice. Take that, doctors who said losing his hearing was going to havea profoundly negative effect on his life. Of course, Tony had also donesomething about that, with an inner-cochlear implant. No more losing hishearing aids. No more wall of sound coming at him that he couldn’t sort.

“Okay, well, buy him a pie.” He squinted down the bridge. Asemi-trailer had shoved through the guard rails on the side. The loaded rig wason its side, the cab part of it hanging off the side of the bridge, attached byonly the fifth wheel coupling and a hell of a lot of prayers.

The driver was trapped inside and rescue personnel were trying tofigure out how to get the semi-conscious man out of the truck without sendingthe entire mess into the water.

Clint narrowed his gaze to the fifth wheel coupling and thetac-glasses shot up a ton of data onto the headsup. Including the fact that thekingpin wouldn’t hold for much longer under the strain, which would send the truckpart into the river below.

Blink. Click. Thirty meters below, which for a normal, unenhancedhuman, would be like falling on concrete. Combined with being trapped insidethe cab, which was not what one would call waterproof. Already injured.

Standard rescue wasn’t going to get there in time.

“Gotta go, babe,” Clint said. “Something in traffic needsAvenging.”

“Clint, don’t do anything stupid--”

“Aw, phone, no.” Clint said. “Can’t hear you, you’re breaking up,I’m going through a tunnel.”

“No, you are not, Clint! Clint!”

Clint hung up. He eyed the bridge again. Tapped his wrist guardand lined up an explosive, a zip line, and a net arrow. Nock, pull, release.Nock, pull, release. Nock, pull, release.

It was go time.

Sam was staring at his phone like it was personally responsiblefor betraying him. Goddammit, Clint. It was a thing. He probably saidit, or thought it, or thought about thinking it some fifty times a day, fromeverything as small as Clint forgot that toilet paper was a thing to Clintattacked fifty DoomBots with a bow and a killer smile.

If Clint was about to start a fist fight in the middle of traffic,that was bad, but only small bad. Lowercase bad. Aside from the whole he was anAvenger, and trained in lethal combat, and generally beating the shit out of acivvie, no matter how deserving, was going to be bad PR and then Pepper wouldbe all over everyone’s ass with her ridiculous stilettos and Clint wouldprobably have to do some charity events to get back into people’s good graces,and that meant Sam was going to have to do some charity events with hisboyfriend, because… because Pepper. Which was kinda okay, because Sam’s boylooked good in a suit, and watching Clint try to behave like an actualfunctioning adult was hilarious.

Especially around buffet food.

Except Clint hadn’t sounded angry and getting ready to go off half(or fully) cocked.

“JARVIS, can you bring up traffic cams near Barton’s location?”

“I can do better than that, Mr. Wilson,” the computer AI said,smoothly. “There are news cameras on site. Shall I bring up CNN or MSNBC?”

“Gimme both, why not. What the hell is he up to?”

News cameras for traffic wasn’t normal. Which meant somethingexciting was going on.

“... video from the scene shows a large section of damagedguardrail,” the reporter was saying, slightly breathless as she clung to theinside of a news chopper. The camera flicked over to her, hand on the clutchbar, microphone covering her mouth as she talked. Then back to the bridge wherea tractor-trailer was dangling off the side, driver held in by the seatbelt,but limp and unmoving.

“Level 2 wind restrictions were in place at the time of the incident,but there’s no word as to whether or not the driver was in violation.Forty-seven mile an hour winds have been causing no end of trouble tolarge-load drivers, but --”

The picture flicked again; someone on scene was interviewinganother rig-driver. “On a windy day, you can feel it, and you’ll be pushingyour trailer and your tractor to the left or the right, whichever way the windis blowing. You can actually feel it; it’s a hurting feeling and you know ofcourse I said a prayer for him…” The underpicture scrawl identified the driveras Charles Lattimore, long-time independent truck driver.

“... water temperature here is forty-five degrees,” the newswomanreported. “If rescue personnel cannot get the driver to safety, there’s littlehope that he can survive the fall. Hypothermia is a very real danger insituations like these.”

Sam squinted at the screen. Not at the rig, but above, on thebridge guidewires. A shifting movement caught his eye. He tapped the holo, atthe spot. “Can you clear this up any? Enhance?”

Yep. There was Sam’s idiot boyfriend, playing Spider-man.

The fucking news camera wouldn’t stay focused where Sam wantedthem to look. Did they not see that there was another player on the scene?

He caught a brief glimpse of Clint drawing back his bow, and thenthe truck was going over the side.

“Wings, JARVIS, now,” Sam snapped. Straight as the Falcon flew,the bridge was less than three minutes from the Tower. Sam wasn’t the onlyAvenger with a launch-pad outside the bedroom. JARVIS pulled open the lift andSam grabbed his pack, buckling himself into it without stopping his forwardmotion toward the pad. The door slid open without even having to ask, and Samwas airborne the instant his toes were clear, diving even as the wingsactivated.

Don’t let me be too late, again, Samthought. Prayed. Would have stopped to sacrifice a goat, if he could have. Samwas on first name basis with an actual god, surely that had to have some pull,right?

Half the truck was still on the bridge by the time Sam got there,but it wasn’t the half that was important. The cab, presumably the driver, and…where the fuck was Clint.

“Hawkeye, report!” Sam activated the voice-amplifier.

Nothing.

“Come on, babe, where are you?” Sam zipped over where the rescuedivers were already in place. He landed on the deck, listened to his wings foldup and the crew there were staring at him. “Did they go under?”

“We’ve got divers in the water,” one stunned crew woman answered.

“Get the hell off my deck,” the captain was bellowing. “I don’tcare if you’re an angel, an Avenger, or God Himself, you --”

Sam was gone already. His wings were not made for submersiblecombat, and even if they were, he didn’t have a rebreather. He wasn’t Iron Manin an airtight, space-worthy armor. He wasn’t Steve, who jumped out of planeswithout parachutes and could bench press submarines. He was just a guy with aunique skill set, who’d happened to make friends with exactly the wrong personat exactly the right time.

He and Clint had bonded a bit, over their normal-guy-ness.

Where the fuck was Clint?

“Oh, no, you are not goan be a normal guy and die on me now,Hawkeye,” Sam said.

“Ohhhh, Sammie,” a grouchy, rusty voice said. “You say thesweetest things.”

“Clint?” Sam pushed his comm unit harder into his ear as if thatwas going to matter at all. “Where the fuck are you?”

“I see you down there, hoverin’ around like you’re actuallyworried about me,” Clint teased.

“Clint. Where.”

“Look up, angel,” Clint said. Sam tipped his head.

Just under the bridge, suspended like they were Luke and Han inthat stupid Ewok trap, was Clint and what was presumably the truck driver.

“This? This was your plan? Get strung up like a Christmasturkey?” Sam snapped. Still, he flew up and landed on one of the bridgesupports. Getting Clint down from there was going to take a little more liftthan Sam had. Under extreme duress, Sam could carry Captain America, but Clintand an unconscious, injured truck driver was probably more strain than hiswings could handle.

“Hey, I had to make it up on the fly,” Clint said.

“You don’t get to make that pun, that is my pun and you can’t haveit,” Sam snapped. Oh, god, his chest hurt. “Why the fuck didn’t you answer mesooner?”

A second voice answered, croaky and soft and full of pain. “Mightahit him in the head. Didn’ know he was tryin’ to help. Sorry.”

Sam’s eyebrows went up. “You got punched in the head by someonewhose life you were saving?”

“Aw, story, no,” Clint objected. “And he didn’t punch me, he clockedme with the damn steering wheel. I have a damn steering wheel shaped bruiseon my forehead! Now stop hoverin’ around like the world’s most uselesshummingbird and get us out of here.”

Sam tapped his wrist comm-unit and opened a line to Stark. “Hey,Ironman, I need someone to do some heavy lifting here. Clint’s eaten too manypizzas and I can’t seem to get him off the couch.”

“Asshole,” Clint muttered.

“And you love me,” Sam said, sing-song.

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

Driver Rescued when Tractor-Trailer goes over the side of Bridge

The tractor-trailer went into the water at the 1.5 mile marker onthe westbound side of the bridge. Driver Sal Bennet was rescued by Avenger’smember, Clinton Francis Barton, better known to the world at large as Hawkeye,who was caught up in the traffic delay caused by the incident.

Barton’s longtime partner, Samuel Wilson, was also on sight, afterseeing Hawkeye dive after the injured driver. Traffic is never fun, butsometimes, with Avengers around, it can be pretty exciting.

The entire team turned out to visit Bennet in his hospital roomand wish him a speedy recovery.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fifth-wheel_coupling -- in case you don’t know what that is. I worked in a truckrepair shop for a number of years, so I saw them a lot